WHAHC Night One

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Throughout life, people have asked questions about life after death

They have asked questions about heaven, and hell.

[The HIW Logo flashes up on the screen. Fading into the logo, we see the pleasant mountains of the Hawaiian Islands, the tropical beaches, the scantily clad women walking along the beach, the men playing volleyball in the sand. As these images pass along the screens, more images flash quickly in and out of view in front of them. Faces of HIW wrestlers like Doman Scwahling, JW Oswald, Lee "Starman" Clark and Ben Van Iten.]

They say that heaven is a place of pure contentment

A place where the soul can rest peacefully

A place where mortal men dream they can be.

[The MWA logo fades into view, making way for the smog filled images of the City of Industry, St. Louis, Missouri. Of people working hard on a cloudy day, while the children play stickball in the streets. All the time, pictures of MWA wrestlers, Shawn "Bullseye" Arrows, Typherion, "Incredible" Idol Austin, and Rob Payne come into view, before disappearing amongst the concrete.]

They say that Hell is the bastion of the damned

A place of eternal torture

Of suffering and pain beyond the imagination of most men…

[Shots of Steve Sands nailing Lee Clark with a chair in front of his mentor. Of Idol Austin, with his friends celebrating his Missouri State title win.]

But what if the boundaries were not as clear cut?

What if evil still lurked within "Heaven on Earth"?

What if the "Devil’s Playground" had some joyous moments?

What then?….

[Pictures of the HIW wrestlers brawling amongst themselves, and of MWA wrestlers doing much the same.]

What definitions could remain?

Tonight, these two opposites come together…

Tonight, the definitions of Heaven and Hell will be destroyed

For when Heaven and Hell collide…

Who can survive to define what remains?

[The camera spins around the packed Olympic Stadium in Mexico City. In one half of the stadium, there are HIW banners, and signs along the lines of "Good defeats Evil – Anytime", "HIW – Simply the Best" and "Where HIW destroys Missouri". While the other half contains thousands of angry MWA fans, who hold potential weapons for the Ozark title match, and signs along the lines of "Missouri – Welcome to Hell", "The Devil’s Playground expands to Mexico!", and "It’s warm down here!". Along with a few other signs. The camera then cuts to the ringside area, where the MWA Announce team of Larry Higgins and "Magic" Mike Masters sit, dressed to the max, in full tuxedos.]

LH: Welcome to the jam packed Olympic stadium in Mexico City. Welcome to the joint Pay Per View of the Missouri Wrestling Alliance and Hawaii Island Wrestling. Welcom, to the place Where Heaven and Hell Collide.

MM: Very nice, Larry. Very Nice.

LH: During the course of the next two nights, we will be joined by the HIW commentary team of Joe Konga and Mike Akaye. But for right now, Let’s talk about tonight’s card. Starting with the first round matches of the "Survival of the Fittest" Tournament.

MM: There are a lot of poor wrestlers in that tournament. But a few men have caught my eye on the MWA side of things. Namely Rob Payne, Johnny Wai, and Déjà vu.

LH: The HIW contingent is not weak by any means.

MM: Numbers will prevail. With ten of the 14 participants, MWA can’t fail but to take the trophy.

LH: Also tonight, we see the launch of the Al Lucente Memorial Tournament, where the teams of the TTF Syndicate and the GSW Tag Team champions, Obsession Inc. will go head to head for a place in the second round of the highly rated tournament to crown number one contenders to the NWC world Tag Team titles.

MM: It doesn’t matter. The team of Europa and Luke Marshall will walk away with the whole lot.

LH: And both those men will be in action too. As Luke Marshall defends his Ozark title against number one contender, Daniel "Shotgun" Smith. While Europa gets a second shot at the MWA Television Title, and Vulcan Sharpe.

MM: And expect to see the team prevail.

LH: Also, two HIW Titles will be on the line as well. The vacant Tag Team and Aloha State titles will be filled tonight.

MM: I don’t care. Ask the HIW guys about those when they come out.

LH: Then there is the cage match to settle a score, between MWA’s Apparition, and HIW’s Astaroth.

MM: I don’t care who wins it. I just look forward to a violent match, because those two hate each other.

LH: Also, moved forward due to time constraints, we have the world J-Crown match tonight, between HIW’s Doman Schwahling and MWA’s Bobby Polo.

MM: Both suck, end of story.

LH: And then there’s the main event. The NWC World Tag Team titles on the line. As the champions, the Morality Underground Movement of GCW will defend the titles against the MWA Tag Team champions, the Perverse Romans. Who got here by less than fair means.

MM: What are you talking about, Higgins? They beat the team of Pride and Typherion fair and square. After all, Tony Pride couldn’t stick to the rules could he?

LH: None the less, it was a tainted win. But can they get the win here tonight?

MM: Yup. Of course.

LH: So without any futher ado, lets go down to ringside and Keith Hernandez.

KH: The next match up of the evening is a six-man tag team match scheduled for one fall and is the start of the two night "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST TOURNAMENT"!!! (Crowd cheers) KH: Introducing first representing the Missouri Wrestling Alliance... He hails from Bronx, New York and weighs in at 2453 pounds... He is the former MWA OZARK MOUNTAIN CHAMPION!!! Here is the self-professed NWC WORKHORSE... Here is RRROOOAAADDDKKKIILLL!!! (The opening chords to KoRn's "Justin" begin to play as a large portion of the crowd cheers.) F*** ALL THAT BULLSH**!!! (With these famous lyrics the drum and guitar beats begin to pick up as the one and only "NWC Workhorse" appears onto the entranceway. He's wearing a pair of blue jean shorts and his black-shirt with Roadkill written on the front in red and F-CK ALL THAT BULLSHIT also written in red on the back. He walks down the aisle ignoring the fans that are trying to reach for a slap of the hand or whatever. He slides into the ring and heads straight for his corner, he never shifts his eyes from the entrance way as he awaits for his team mate's and possibly enemy to appear) KH: And his one of his team mates... [The opening beats of Orbital's 'The Box' tinkle over the P.A, to a moderate pop from the good-sized crowd. A few seconds later, the figure of man with his hands in the pockets of his black baseball jacket emerges, his head down but with a confident swagger in his step as he walks towards the ring.] KH: ...from San Francisco, California... and weighing in at two hundred and thirty four pounds... [The man looks up once or twice at the crowd, who mainly seem to be booing him as he makes his way down the aisle. He reaches the ring, climbing onto the ring apron, holding on to the top rope as he vaults into the ring.] KH: ...He is... Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny WAI! [The crowd jeers at the announcement of his name, but Wai seems not to care, a smirk on his face. He takes off the jacket to reveal a bare torso, light blue and green wrestling tights with the word 'WAI' emblazoned down the right-hand side, and a yin-yang symbol on the left. Completing his outfit is a pair of clean white wrestling boots. Wai rolls his neck a couple of times, ready for his last teammate to arrive.] KH: And coming down the isle is the final wrestler of this team. Coming from the HIW and standing a scintillating 7'1" and weighing in at an amazing 500 lbs. he is the big man of HIW he is, CRAAAAAZY CONDUUUUUUCCCTOR!!! ["Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne blasts over the speakers and the building shakes. Crazy, steps out from behind the curtain as most of the audience cheers. The big man walks slowly down the isle until he reaches the ring. He climbs to the apron and steps over the top rope. He joins Johnny Wai and Roadkill in his corner.] HERE WE ARE, BORN TO BE KINGS, WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE! HERE WE BELONG, FIGHTING TO SURVIVE, IN THE WORLD WITH THE DARKEST POWERS! [As soon as the guitar part comes in, the whole ring area will have white laser lights coming from the ring and going towards the crowd.] KH: From the Realm of the Equilibrium, Weighing at 277 lbs. He is the Lord of Neutrality, LUUUUUKE WAAAAARMMMMMM!!!!! LH: Luke Warm, one of the brightest, youngest talent of the MWA! MM: Well, he hasn't showed me anything yet. LH: He has show me plenty, from his debut at DN7 to him defeating Johnny Magnum, one of the members of FTW in his first single competition. Some even speculated that even Rob Payne was afraid to wrestle him and that is why he sent that flunky, Chester to take his place in past Genocide. I have to say this rookie has a bright future ahead of him. MM: Yeah, right. Magnum was a scrub, and every one knows that Payne would kick Warm's but! anyway, we will see how he does in this tournament! AND HERE WE ARE, WE'RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE. HERE WE BELONG, FIGHTING FOR SURVIVAL, WE'VE COME TO BE THE RULERS OF YOUR WORLD! I AM IMMORTAL, I HAVE INSIDE ME BLOOD OF KINGS! I HAVE NO RIVAL, NO MAN CAN BE MY EQUAL, TAKE ME TO THE FUTURE OF YOUR WORLD!! [Luke Warm finally steps out wearing an black and white as usual, but this time it is quite different. On half of his body is completely white and in the middle half where his chest is a half developed black halo, obviously representing his alliance for good. But on the other half of his body, his skin is painted black and near the middle section of his chest is a half developed white horn connected to the half of the halo, representing his alliance for evil. He stills wears that imitating mask, which looks like a Michael Myers mask and a ballroom mask at the same time, just picture it. While Warm makes his way in the ring, the lights in the arena flicks rapidly, making it seem as Warm is moving slowly towards the ring. After Luke Warm makes his way in the ring he does his usual thing, which his put his hands by his side, put his feet together and have his head bow down, letting his long straight black hair with the white highlights covering him. Slowly he raises his head and arms and as he do the laser lights around the ring goes faster and faster. Then finally, he quickly raises his head and brings his arms up and white sparkles are shot from behind him near the ring area. The crowd cheers for the light display.] KH: And the second wrestler in this three-man team, representing HIW, standing 6'9" and weighing in at 365 lbs. He is… IVAAAAAAN VIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCE!!! ["Taste The Pain" by Red Hot Chili Peppers plays over the loud speakers as Ivan Vice pops out from behind the curtain. His lovely manager Kimiko follows closely behind as Ivan walks down the isle soaking up the cheers from his adoring fans. The duo finally reach ringside and Ivan climbs the apron and slips between the ropes. He walks over beside Luke Warm and stare his opponents down…] KH: And the last combatant in this 6-man tag-team match. He is the one, the only CHRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNSEN!!! [Chris Hansen and Sam Malone make their way down the isle way and into the ring. There are two young guys in the front row with MWA shirts on and a sign that says "Welcome Back to the MWA...sorta!". Hansen walks over to his corner beside his partners and looks intense.] [Before the match starts Luke warm signals for a mic. he gets one and begins to talk...] Luke Warm: The time, my mortals fans have come. Tonight, shall be the beginning of a new era, an era in which I, Luke Warm your Lord of neutrality, shall move up into my rightful throne, that would be future ruler of the MWA realm. (Mix reaction from crowd. Even though Warm has been very successful lately having a great record, he still has not really prove much to anyone.) Now I know that is a lot to swallow, but I speak these words and mean it. I will begin this reign tonight as I team up with the mortals of Hansen and Ivan The Vice. You will not have to worry about my allegiance, for as I have spoken before I am the neutral ally. I ask for nothing but the best performance from you two (If possible, get reactions from the two) Now as for the challengers, although you are worthy opponents, I am afraid that you are no match for the likes of us. (mix reaction for crowds) But enough with these words. Then let the reign of Luke Warm begin! DING, DING, DING LH: Here we go, this match is under way. Roadkill starting for his team and Luke Warm starting for his... Warm and Roadkill lock up... MM: Yep... LH: Warm whips Roadkill tot he ropes and knocks him to the ground with a shoulder block.. MM: How scientific... LH: Yes really it is... Roadkill right back up... MM: BORING!!! LH: Warm approaches and Roadkill nails him with a kick to the midsection and follows that up with a quick DDT! MM: I'll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs... LH: Roadkill now with a reverse chinlock... MM: Dum de dum, dum... LH: Roadkill applying his weight onto the shoulders of the newcomer... MM: .... LH: Hansen enters the ring and breaks up the hold, the ref brings him back to his corner as Warm and Roadkill both work their way up to their feet... Warm with a right hand, Roadkill back with one of his own, Warm with another! Block by Warm and he sends Roadie down with a haymaker! MM: Shampoo is better because it comes first and cleans the hair. LH: Warm now picks him up... Scoop slam well executed! Warm tags out to Hansen! MM: No, conditioner is better because it makes the hair smooth and shiny! LH: Hansen whips Roadkill to the ropes, clothesline; duck by Roadkill! Flying clothesline by Roadkill! [Roadkill twists Hansen's arm around behind him and tags Wai in. Wai climbs to the top rope and smashes Hansen's arm with a double axe-handle. Roadkill then leaves the ring and Wai has the advantage.] LH: Wai picks up Hansen.... Whip to the ropes, reversed! HANSEN NAILS HIM WITH A POWERSLAM! MM: So... Julia's name is gonna be Julia Goolia... LH: Hansen crawling toward the corner... He reaches out... And makes the tag to Ivan Vice! Vice now runs over Wai with a clothesline! Vice nails Roadkill and Conductor! MM: Why's that funny? LH: Vice now picks up Wai, whip to the ropes.... CROSS BODY BY WAI! 1.... 2..... NO! KICK OUT BY VICE! MM: I have no idea... LH: Vice and Wai both back up aAnnouncer#1in! Vice grabs Wai and whips him to the corner... Wai over him... VICE RUNS RIGHT INTO A FOREARM BY ROADKILL! He falls backwards into Wai who... NAILS A GERMAN SUPLEX! 1..... 2..... NO! Save by Hansen! LH: Wai now picks up Vice and Irish whips him into the corner. Wai runs and hits a big body splash. He then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle and goes for another splash. But Vice moves and Wai is hurt! MM: Good. LH: Wai quickly tags in the big man Crazy Conductor. Crazy runs at Vice who stops him in his tracks with a drop kick! Crazy doesn't fall though, he runs at Vice again but is met with another drop kick! MM: You'd think the idiot would learn eh? LH: He's a big, not too bright though. Crazy Conductor gets frustrated and goes for a huge clothesline on Ivan Vice, but Vice ducks and puts Crazy Conductor to the mat with a drop toe hold. That move didn't hurt the big man though because he is straight back up. MM: Crazy Conductor grabs Ivan by the throat but before he can do anything Vice rakes the eyes. LH: Another cheap tactic! MM: No, he's playing it smart. Because he once again has the advantage. LH: It's still cheating. MM: Not by my book! Vice now throws Crazy Conductor off the ropes and on his way back Crazy Conductor is nailed with an inverted atomic drop! LH: As Warm distracts the ref. Vice gives Crazy Conductor an atomic head butt! MM: He should have worn a cup! He he he! LH: You are a sick man. MM: I know! Vice now has the big man in the corner and is smashing the head of Crazy Conductor against the top turnbuckle. Maybe he should have worn a hard hat too! LH: Vice now tags Warm and together they throw Crazy Conductor off the ropes and hit a double clothesline. MM: Now it's just Warm and Crazy Conductor in the ring and Warm is just continuously punching the big man in the head! LH: Crazy Conductor is down and Warm applies and cross leg breaker. MM: That lock is synched in pretty tight. But Crazy Conductor's legs are too long and he touches the ropes. LH: Warm now places Crazy Conductor's led on the bottom rope and jumps on it! And again! And again! MM: Crazy Conductor slowly to his feet but is knocked back down once again as Warm gives him a drop kick to the knee. LH: Warm now walks over and drives his knee down hard onto Crazy Conductor's knee. And again. And again. MM: That knee must really be hurting Crazy Conductor. He is back up to his feet though and limps over to tag Wai. LH: But Warm won't let that happen! He sneaks up behind Crazy Conductor and clips the back of his knee! MM: Crazy Conductor falls to the floor and Warm drags him back to his corner. LH: He then walks over to the opposite corner and slaps Wai and Roadkill in the face! Those two are mad and are trying to come into the ring. This distracts the ref. and Vice tosses a chair in to Warm. MM: What is he doing here? Warm has folded the chair over Crazy Conductor's knee and is stomping on it! LH: Referee, turn around Warm could break Crazy Conductor's knee with this move! MM: I know that's why it's great! He is done stomping and now he climbs the turnbuckle and elbow drops the chair! I think I heard a crack! LH: I hope not! MM: Warm now tags Hansen in and gets rid of the chair as the ref. is done talking to Wai and Roadkill. Crazy Conductor is struggling to get up and as he does so, Hansen sweeps his knee and Crazy Conductor goes down hard again. LH: Hansen picks up Crazy Conductor and hits a well executed swinging neck breaker! Crazy Conductor is crawling to tag in Wai but Hansen is holding onto the heel of Crazy Conductor. He is inches away from the out stretched hand of his partner. MM: I'm loving this, team two is really making Crazy Conductor look bad! LH: But Crazy Conductor just pulled his lag out from the grasp of Hansen using pure strength! MM: Do something Hansen, don't let him tag. LH: Crazy turns around and levels Hansen with a haymaker! He then tags in Roadkill who comes in with a flurry. MM: Roadkill clotheslines Hansen, and knocks Warm and Vice off the apron! LH: He walks back over to Hansen and goes for the cover! 1… 2… MM: And a big kick out by Hansen. Roadkill quickly up and throws Hansen into the corner. He runs over and starts with big knee lifts in the corner. LH: Vice quickly in and breaks that up. MM: Yes, Hansen just stopped any momentum Roadkill had going with a eye rake. He follows that up with a short arm clothesline. LH: Hansen picks Roadkill up by the hair and executes a picture perfect vertical suplex. Roadkill won't stay down though, he is quickly up, only to be put down again with a belly to belly suplex. MM: And he'll stay on for the cover… 1… 2… LH: Save by Crazy Conductor who is still limping a bit. MM: Hansen over and tags in Ivan Vice. Vice runs over to Roadkill, who was apparently trying to make a tag, and flattens him with a forearm smash. LH: Vice now turns Roadkill around after picking him up and hits a Dragon suplex. He'll hold it for the pin… 1… 2… 21/2… MM: Wai jumped off the top rope with a leg drop to break the pin. LH: That was good. It hurt Vice enough for Roadkill to make the tag to Crazy Conductor. MM: Crazy picks up Vice by the hair and sets him up for a power bomb! LH: Here comes Warm but before he can stop it Wai stops Warm dead in his tracks with a missile drop kick! MM: Therefore Crazy was able to hit that HUGE power bomb. I think Vice is out, and Crazy is going for the cover… 1… 2… … LH: He got him! MM: No he didn't, the ref was a little slow making the three count. Crazy is complaining to the ref. LH: This is a dumb move, by complaining Crazy just turned his back on Vice who is slowly crawling to make the tag. MM: Faster Ivan faster! LH: Oh uh, Crazy Conductor sees him and makes sure there will be no tag. He picks up Vice… and is calling for it! This could be it! MM: But Ivan Vice plays it smart and sweeps the still injured knee of Crazy's! LH: Crazy goes down with a thud and Vice makes the tag to Luke Warm. MM: Crazy also made a tag to Johnny Wai. Both men are fairly fresh. They circle each other for a while and finally lock up. LH: Wai shifts Warm into a side headlock but Warm pushes Wai off the ropes. On his way back Wai puts Warm on his back with a clothesline. MM: Wai picks up Warm and throws him off the ropes. Wai then hits a Samoan Drop. LH: Johnny Wai now puts Warm in a half crab. MM: He's really applying pressure. Luke Warm may be forced to give up here. LH: But Warm reaches the ropes and Wai is forced to break the hold. But Wai doesn't slow down, he picks up Luke and hits a Northern Lights Suplex! He's keep it for the cover… 1… 2… MM: But Chris Hansen with the save. LH: Wai now whips Warm into his corner and tags in Roadkill! MM: Roadkill with a flurry of jabs to Warms face and then knocks him down with a big right hand. LH: Roadkill picks up Warm but Luke just pushes Roadkill back right into the forearm of Ivan Vice. Roadkill wobbles forward. And Luke warm just hit the "Balance of Power!" Needless to say he'll make the cover! 1… 2… [Johnny Wai and Crazy Conductor get into the ring to break up the pin but do Ivan Vice and Chris Hansen who also just made their way into the ring clothesline both.] 3!!! MM: Team two wins!!! LH: Vice and Hansen walk over to congratulate Luke Warm but Luke Warm clotheslines them both! What the hell is he doing. MM: Well he grabs a mic, let's see why the hell he would clothesline his partners… Luke Warm: "Our alliance for hence forth has ended. You mortals are now my enemy. I am prepare to defeat each one of you as we did our opponent. There is no love or hate from me...Just neutral, or shall I say neutral respect from me. LH: Well there you have it, team two are the winners but Hansen and vice are the ones laying on the mat! MM: So it’s Chris Hansen, Luke Warm and Ivan Vice who go through to the second round, leaving Wai, Roadkill and the Conductor as mere spectators for the rest of this event.

LH: But you have to think that Warm made a big mistake there. By attacking both men after the match, he made them both into enemies.

MM: We’ll have to wait until tomorrow to make sure of that.

LH: That much is true. As the three of them will meet each other tomorrow night in the first of the two semi-finals. The other semi-finalists will be decided later on tonight.

LH: Our video crew back in Missouri has sent us this clip by satellite and fans, it is hot stuff!

MM: No kidding! Those Morality bastards just burned down the Romans' beautiful mansion and instead of apologizing, they attacked the Romans!

LH: Without Marina there to protect them, this is what happened...

[If you'll recall, Denton Cage and Diego Valencia visited the mansion owned by Nero and Caligula, destroyed their pornographic artwork collection, then burned the mansion to the ground. When Nero and Caligula arrived on the scene, a battle erupted that showed no signs of ending.]

[The scene cuts to a video prepared earlier in the day by the PPV producers. We're at a private airstrip outside St. Louis watching a limousine come to a screeching halt just next to the Perverse Romans' private Concorde. Their chauffeur, a short, pudgy man who looks like Mario, or maybe Luigi, jumps out of the car and opens the back door or the car. Diego Valencia and Nero come tumbling out, rolling on the ground trading blows. Mario reaches into the car with his entire body and grabs something.. pulling it out.]

[As Diego and Nero continue brawling on the ground, the driver pulls Caligula out of the car, but Denton Cage comes out with him, trying to twist Caligula's ankle off. Both men spill to the ground as the Driver reaches into his jacket and pulls out a gun!]

Driver: You all stop fighting, now! We can not having this on the plane, capiche?

[Cage and Valencia, in no mood to be shot, both stand, allowing the Romans to stumble up the stairs into the plane.]

Driver: Now you two are gonna go to jail for what you did to da boss' mansion! Get in the car, now!

[Cage puts his hand on the door of the limo, then sends the door SLAMMING into the little driver, knocking him flat on his ass. Seeing their opportunity, Cage and Valencia rush up the stairs and push their way into the plane just as the door is about to be closed.]

[Cut back to the arena.]

LH: OH MY GOD! Fans, the Morality Underground Movement and The Perverse Romans fought all the way to the airport, and according to our reports, they've been fighting the entire time they've been on the plane, too!

MM: The FAA isn't gonna like it when Cage and Valencia try to sneak back into the country after the crimes they've committed!

LH: We're gonna have more on this just as soon as our video crew in the air can transmit again!

MM: So what indignity do we have to go through next?

LH: It’s the rematch from Genocide a few weeks ago. As the Television title of the Missouri Wrestling alliance is on the line.

MM: Oh yeah. No Interference, no count-out, no DQ, it has to finish here tonight, and it may just finish me.

LH: And just what makes you say that?

MM: Boredom. These two have so much potential, but they always seem so goody-goody.

LH: Well, Mike. Neither one has any love loss for the other. And you can be sure that these guys will go toe to toe throughout this match.

MM: Well, that’s something I suppose.

LH: Let’s go down to Keith, who’s waiting to announce the participants.

KH: The next match is for the Missouri Wrestling Alliance Television Championship! There is NOOOO Interference! There is NOOOOO time limit! But, there WILL BE a WINNER!!

Introducing first... The challenger. He weighs in at 252lbs, and hails from

Autlan de Navarro in Mexico!

[Hernadez pauses as he gets a pop for mentioning Mexico in Mexico City!]

KH: He is the Beast known only AS.... EUUUUROPAAA!!!

[The lights to Olympic Stadium dim as Metallica's "Sad But True" begins to play over the PA system. A loan spotlight shines on a figure in the entrance. Covered from head to toe in a black, hooded cloak. We can only think that this figure is Europa.]

LH: I guess that's Europa?

MM: That's what Keith said.

[Once the songs main riff kicks in, the figure slowly makes his way to the ring and up the stairs. He moves to a far corner, head still down and covered as he awaits the entrance of Vulcan Sharpe.]

LH: This is supposed to be the dawn of the new Beast. We'll have to see.

MM: Good... ‘Cause the old Beast really sucked.

KH: And his opponent...The MWA Television Champion...Weighing in at 243 pounds and standing 6 feet, 3 inches tall...He is...Vulllcannn Sharrrpppeee!

[Suddenly, the lights dim and flicker as the fans rise to their feet to catch a glimpse of who they know is coming down the aisle. Four gunshots fire in the background, followed by "Fight Till You Die" by pennywise.]

## Look all around you, there's a war that's going on ##

## A struggle against the odds that's breaking out and must be won ##

## They're getting ready with the weapons they have found ##

## Take inspiration from the sound ##

[The lights continue to flicker as the GREATEST MWA Television Champion of all time, Vulcan Sharpe, steps out from backstage. He stands at the top of the entranceway and looks around as red spotlights wander through the crowd. He is wearing an old black "Sevendust" t-shirt and his wrestling tights.]

[They are black with "Vulcan" scrawled up one leg in bloody red letters, and "Sharpe" written up the other leg in silver celtic lettering. As per usual, he is wearing his silver sunglasses and has his stringy hair tied back in a small pony-tail. And of course, he has his MWA TV Title strapped proudly around his waist.]

## See it in the faces of the people everyday ##

## We need to take control and find some ammo right away ##

## Our cause is righteous and we're gonna have our say ##

## Get ready for the judgement day ##

[Vulcan begins to pace down the aisleway. The majority of the fans yell and throw things at Vulcan, as they really do not like his new-found attitude. He pays them no attention, making his way straight to the ring.]

## Go ahead and try, or kiss your ass goodbye ##
## People of society are running for their lives... ##
## Get up now and go, or you're never gonna know ##
## Never gonna make it in your houses lying low ##
## Give it one good try ##
## Give it all and fight till you die....Fight till you die....Fight till you die! ##

[Vulcan arrives at the ring as the music dies down and the lights return to normal. He hops up on the ring apron and springboards over the top rope to the inside. He pulls off his TV Title belt and holds it in the air for the fans to see. Most of the fans once again boo him. Vulcan removes his shirt and tosses it into one of the corners. Vulcan is handed a microphone to give a pre-match interview.]

LH: Let's see what Vulcan has to say before we get this match underway.

Vulcan Sharpe: No more talking. We've done that all week. Let's get this show on the road.

[Vulcan throws down the microphone and hands his Television Title over to the referee. Vulcan limbers up and stretches as he prepares for the bell to ring.]

[Ding Ding Ding]

LH: There's the bell, but still this mysterious figure just stands there!

MM: Look... There's Europa!

LH: Where!

MM: Just kidding!

[Suddenly, the cloaked figure drops the cloak in one swift motion. We now see who was behind the cloak... It's Europa all right. But, this time he has a new mask to go along with his black boots and black pants with purple triple crosses on each leg. He is wearing a solid black, leather mask. It's something you'd see in a S&M type shop. Meanwhile, a mild pop from the crowd.]

LH: It's Europa... And that mask! That mask is giving me chills!

MM: Yeah, it is pretty freaky! I didn't know Europa was in to that kind of

stuff!

LH: Whoa, both men want to get started quick. There is our first lockup, and Europa takes immediate control as he forces Vulcan down to one knee.

MM: Vulcan is just playing possum.

LH: Europa's strength is obviously too much for Vulcan, as he has forced the TV Champion all the way down to the mat. Europa backs off, and Vulcan pops back to his feet, ready for another lockup.

MM: They lock up again, and Vulcan is dropping to the mat again. But like I said, he's looking for the perfect time to strike!

LH: Vulcan trying to fight back this time...but to no avail! And Europa sends him flying across the ring!

MM: Europa's strong, I'll give him that. But what else does he have?

LH: Agility, stamina...

MM: Nothing! He's got nothing else, Larry.

LH: Whatever. Looks like a third lock-up here. Oh my, this time Vulcan Sharpe takes the advantage! Europa down on a knee....Ooh!

MM: Damn cheater!

LH: Europa with an elbow to the gut! Hardly illegal. Europa off the ropes...and hits a running shoulder block on Sharpe!

MM: Sharpe gets back up right away. But big fat Europa barely doesn't collapse the ring ropes as he heads off and comes back with a clothesline!

LH: Vulcan Sharpe is in early trouble. Not very characteristic of Vulcan Sharpe.

MM: For god's sake, Larry, he's playing possum!

LH: Europa applying a basic chinlock on Sharpe. This is a new Europa. We usually see him go right for the power moves, but he seems to be just wearing Sharpe down just a little bit here.

MM: So?

LH: Well, I'm just pointing this out to the viewers.

MM: Anything else you want to "point out?"

LH: Well, just that Vulcan Sharpe is still in the chinlock.

MM: Larry, shut up. Sharpe is struggling here, but he'll still be the champ when the day is done. He's trying to unlock Europa's fingers here...

LH: Europa's big fingers aren't easy to break! And...yes! Sharpe is able to break the hold!

MM: Yeah! Now we're in business!

LH: Both men to their feet now. And...Sharpe with a right hand! But it didn't effect Europa! And...Europa delivers a big left, and Sharpe goes down to the mat!

MM: Oh, man...Disqualify him!

LH: Sharpe is getting to his feet, but Europa is right there to set something up.

MM: Europa grabs Vulcan's head...oh no, what's this?

LH: Oooh, a massive headbutt by Europa! But he doesn't let go of Sharpe....he rears back....and hits him even harder with a second headbutt! 2 great big headbutts by Europa! And Vulcan Sharpe collapses to the mat!

MM: Not for long, though. He quickly tries to gather himself and get back up. Europa, however, isn't capitalizing. He's making another mistake. Just like the old Europa.

LH: Europa just relaxing in the corner. Possibly thinking up what he's going to do next. Vulcan Sharpe is on his feet, but dazed.

MM: Come on! He's over in the corner! Go get him!

LH: Wait, Europa steams out of the corner...no, Sharpe ducks a clothesline! Europa runs right by, and turns around....and Sharpe with a shot to the side of the head!

MM: Sharpe with a pick-up...and a slam! Good job!

LH: Sharpe going for what looks to be a figure 4 leglock! Yes, he is! It's too early in the match, though!

MM: So? If he hooks it, it's all over! It'll be pretty quick, won't it?

LH: Sharpe hooks it on! Right in the center of the ring!

MM: Yeah! Just give up, Europa! Make it quick for all of us!

LH: I don't think so, Mike. It looks like he's not even feeling the pain at all!

MM: What are you, a psychiatrist or something?

LH: Nevertheless, Vulcan has the apparent advantage right here, but the Beast refuses to give in. Vulcan has got a figure-four leglock on tight, but Europa will not

surrender!

MM: Grind in harder Vulcan! Break the bastard's leg!

LH: Wait a minute, Europa's trying something....

MM: No, it's a lie! Come on, Vulcan!

LH: Europa is turning it over! He's turning it over on Vulcan, and there it

is!

MM: Dammit!

LH: Europa is now in control, and Vulcan is beating his fists on the mat. He also refuses to give up, but his leg has got to be in severe pain!

MM: Yes! Vulcan grabbed the ropes and the ref is making Europa release the hold. Good job ref!

LH: But Europa is dragging Sharpe back to the center of the ring!

MM: Noooo! Come on! That was a 5-count!

LH: Vulcan Sharpe is in pain, but the champ will not give up. In fact...look at how quickly he's pulling himself to the ropes!

MM: Yeah! He's got them already! And he's grabbing them with his entire hand! He ain't going anywhere this time!

LH: Europa lets go!

MM: Good, it's about time!

LH: Europa on his feet, while Sharpe staggers around a little bit.

MM: No, don't stagger that way! Ugh...

LH: Sharpe walks right into Europa...who picks him up....and lands a sidewalk slam! And he makes a cover....

1...

2...

LH: Kickout by Sharpe.

MM: He damn well better have kicked out!

LH: Europa pulls Vulcan Sharpe up immediately. He sends Sharpe into the corner. He charges in...and literally SQASHES him!

MM: Oh God, that must be what, a million pounds?

LH: Europa getting ready to whip him again...and there Sharpe goes...

MM: Ha ha! Sharpe is able to reverse him!

LH: Europa crashes into the turnbuckles! And here comes Sharpe...No!!

MM: Not fast enough, Vulcan!

LH: Europa moved and he grabs Sharpe from behind.. FULL NELSON GERMAN SUPLEX!! Europa waisting no time... He grabs Sharpe's head and now he's just SLAMMING IT INTO THE MAT!!

MM: It hurts just watching.

LH: Europa now with a running start to the ropes... WOW!! Europa just nailed Vulcan Sharpe with a springboard LEG DROP to the back of the NECK!

MM: Oh, that HAD to hurt! Jesus allmighty!

LH: Yeah, that was a devastating combination! Europa turns him over....here's a cover!!!

1...

2...

LH: No! Sharpe able to kick out.

MM: Phew! That was close!

LH: You can say that again! Europa is up, frustrated is just going nuts and laying him with a boot after boot. The beast picks up Vulcan and throws him into the ropes, TWILT A WHIRL back breaker! Sharpe is in pain!

MM: Yeah, these two are giving it all they got, and I believe there are some folks right now going for a restroom break…

LH: I seriously doubt that, but Europa throw Sharpe into the corner… Rushes in…. VULCAN WITH A BOOT TO THE FACE!!! Europa is down… Sharpe hops up the second turnbuckle, ELBOW DROP from the second rope!

MM: Not a lot of force behind it though…

LH: Sharpe is going for another another figure four leg lock….

MM: I think he can pull it off now…

LH: NO!!!! EUROPA reaches up.. SMALL PACKAGE!!! The ref jumps to the count…

3!!!!

LH: Oh my god! It's over! Europa with the big upset!

MM: No, that was a fast count… That couldn't have had happened!

LH: Vulcan is up protesting with the ref… Europa is getting out of the ring and walking to the back..I have to agree, that seemed to be a fast count, but the ref is sticking to his story… That was way too Close…

MM: No, this can't be happening!!!!

LH: I don't think we've heard the last of Vulcan Sharpe, that is for sure!

MM: Well, you have a chance to ask that referee now. As it’s time for your break.

LH: Oh yeah, enjoy your work, Mike. Because I’ll be back later.

MM: And finally, we have chance for some real commentary! The man himself, "Magic" Mike Masters, all alone. This is how matches should be.

[Suddenly, the HIW section of the crowd gives a good pop, as the HIW commentary team of Mike Akaye, and Joe Konga make their way out to the ringside area. As they take their places, we can hear them fiddling with their headsets.]

MA: Wow what a night of action we have had thus far tonight..

JK: Bo-ring!!

MM: Yeah really. Hey Mike how did you get put in this group...what they didn't think me and Joe could handle this pay per view.

MA: You know I'm not sure why I'm here.

MA: Next up we have the finals for the HIW Aloha State Title, which until now has been vacant.

JK: That's 'cause Mahakali couldn't find anybody worthwhile to hold it... and then came the Mighty Beastie and his annoying little pal!

MM: I have no idea who either of these guys are.

MA: Didn't you get the packet that tells --

MM: Mike. I'm in Mexico. I'm in Missouri for the majority of the year. To me, this is a vacation, you get it? So I'll just play along like I know.

JK: Ha-ha. We both work in an island paradise.

MM: Yeah, yeah. Hey, if you're Samoan, what kinda name is "Joe?" Doesn't sound real ethnic.

JK: [cryptic] My real name is unpronouncable by the tongues of mere mortals!

MA: Joe Hirono's ready for us, thankfully.

[Cut to the ring, Joe, and his Magic Microphone.]

JH: Ladies and gentlemen! The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the Hawaii Island Wrestling Aloha State Title! Entering first, weighing in at five hundred twenty-five pounds and being accompanied by Menny... BEASTIE!

[Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee... wipeout! Throbbing drums and twangy guitar -- it's Surfaris' "Wipeout," and you know what that means.]

JK: It's Beastie!

MM: Who is this now?

JK: Biggest damn guy in the council. Dumbest damn guy in the council.

MM: I thought Georgia had some guy...

JK: Smaller. Smarter.

MA: Guys? Please.

[The house lights cut almost to nothing, and through the curtain strides... well, he's not wearing the Coat Of Many Patches, but it's Menny. He's got on a sleek, black bodysuit, black boots, and his normally-wild red hair has been tied back into a tail. He leads his massive charge on a leash, but Beastie himself isn't his usual barechested, purple-trunked self. Instead, he's wearing all black, with black sunglasses (opaque) in place of his usual hood. He's also got loose pants with words down each leg: GIDDY on the right, ARCADE on the left. The crowd cheers, sorta, but they're not sure what to think.]

MA & JK: What the...

MM: What?

MA: They normally come out in eye-straining colors. This, uh...

JK: It's weird.

[Menny clambers into the ring, sidling up to Hirono and passing him a bent index card.]

JH: [reading] Uh... a correction! Coming to the ring now, Black Fops, accompanied by... Mennysade!

MA: Oh, give me a break.

MM: Hey, I get it!

JK: Who?

MA: I'll tell you later.

[As Mennysade stalks about the ring, with "Giddy Arcade", the house lights dim again, and the Imperial March from Star Wars begins to play.]

JH: And his opponent, weighing two hundred fifty pounds... he is the Impact Player... COLBYYYYY FAIRCHIIILD!!

[Fairchild steps into view, drawing mixed applause -- half this crowd is pro-MWA, remember. He makes his way to the ring as Hirono vacates, testing the ropes.]

(DINGDINGDING)

MM: Aaaaaaaaaand they're off!

JK: What?

MM: Horse racing. Geez.

MA: Fairchild circling the monster as Menny --

JK: -- Mennysade, Mike --

MA: --right, Mennysade takes off those sunglasses. WHOA!

MM: Man, that guy's like a truck!

MA: Beastie lunges at Fairchild, clipping him as Colby tries to dodge!

JK: Yeah! Black Fops! I like it.

MA: Beastie just trying to corner Colby, using his superior size and broad hands!

MM: Where did Hawaii FIND this guy?

JK: Hey, we just work here.

MA: Beastie tries for a grab -- Fairchild ducks out and under his grasp! Beastie slow to turn -- and a dropkick by Fairchild! Beastie stumbling into the corner! Colby quick to capitalize, hitting with hard right hands!

MM: Uh...

MA: He's got the big man by the hair now, ramming his face into that turnbuckle!

MM: Um...

JK: Aloha State title on the line, remember!

MA: And now punches to the midsection! Look at Fairchild go!

MM: Hey, guys...?

MA: What?

MM: That big guy is just standing there. Fairchild's not affecting him.

MA: Oh.

JK: You get used to it.

MA: Beastie out of the corner! He's got Fairchild up in a bearhug!

MM: About time -- is he gonna do something big! Maybe a piledriver, or a powerbomb?

JK: Not quite.

MA: And Beastie throws Fairchild into the other turnbuckle! Kicks to the midsection!

MM: But...

JK: You get used to it.

MA: Beastie picks up Colby Fairchild by the throat, turning to throw him -- Fairchild grabs his arm and brings both feet into the big man's face! Beastie releases!

MM: C'mon, now. This Beast guy... he's not entirely natural, right?

JK: What do you mean?

MA: Fairchild comes up to his feet -- and a kick to the big man's knee! Another! Beastie's listing to one side!

MM: Oh, come on. The guy's seven-four and over twice this Colby guy's weight. He's all muscle.

JK: And?

MA: Now the Impact Player nails a low shoulderblock to that knee! Beastie is staggering!

MM: Um... maybe I should ask if HIW does mandatory testing?

JK: What, like aptitude?

MA: Fairchild around behind, grabbing one of Beastie's hands and pulling through... pump handle! He's going for the slam! Can he get the big man up?

MM: No, see... testing. Like... with doctors.

JK: They check for hepatitis and all...

MA: HE DOES! Colby Fairchild manages to heft Beastie up... slam! The Big Man is DOWN!

MM: Does Beastie ever go into... a "rage?"

JK: Well, sure. Why?

MA: Colby with a cover!

ONE!

MA: Well, that didn't last long.

MM: I'm just saying his size and strength... maybe they're... you know. Artificial.

JK: What? You don't mean... hey, Masters, HIW's talent is all natural! I'm offended!

MA: Beastie up! Fairchild up! The two men rush each other -- Fairchild trips Beastie! Could you feel the ring shake??

MM: But the guy has all the classic symptoms! He's stupid, he's huge, he's ugly!

JK: Hey, dammit, people used to say that about me, and I worked out by lifting big crates of fish for eight hours a day!

MA: ...

MM: ...

JK: Hey, it could happen.

MA: Beastie sitting up, Fairchild tries to kick him down -- no! Beastie grabs that foot and shoves Fairchild back into the turnbuckle! He hit hard!

JK: I think he hit his head on that one.

MM: The guy's falling back down... OH MAN!

MA: Fairchild's head landed right in Beastie's soft spot!

MM: Colby's crawling up for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREEEEEE!!

(DINGDINGDING)

MA: Colby Fairchild! Colby Fairchild has beaten the big man --

JK: By dropping a head on his groin.

MM: Hey, whatever works.

MA: Colby Fairchild is the Aloha State champion! Colby Fairchild is the Aloha State Champion!

JK: 'Bout time!

MM: That little guy's taking the big guy away.

MA: And Fairchild's got his title... it looks good on the man!

JK: Yeah, he's a regular fashion plate.

[The camera fades back to the locker rooms as we see none other than Doomsday's personal Interviewer, Jackson, walking down the hall. He walks over and knocks on one of the locker room doors, which has the name plate "Doomsday" on it. After knocking on it twice Doomsday finally lets him in as Jackson grabs a chair. He sits down next to Doomsday as the interview begins.]

Jackson: Well, Doomsday, the night has arrived... tonight you either walk out of this building with a spot in the semi-finals or you go home. Your thoughts on tonight’s matches?

Doomsday: Tonight I only have one match that I have to concern myself with and that is the ladder match. Three men are walking out of this match with a berth in the semi-finals and I'll be dammed if I'm not one of those people..

Jackson: Have you talked with Lucien yet about the possibility of you facing him tonight?

Doomsday: Yes, I have, and that is why we decided on two things. One, to have separate entrances... And two, if it came down to it, we would fight to the finish like men.

Jackson: Do you have any kind of strategy going into this match tonight?

Doomsday: Well I'm going to try not to fight a lot of people during this match. I don’t want to make enemies that fast. I'm going to try and watch my partners back but like I said if it comes down to it we will fight like men would normally fight.

Jackson: Any other comments for any of your opponents here tonight?

Doomsday: Yeah. Deja Vu, tonight it will be just like old CIW days. You and me will fight once again, and let me tell you this... I see myself coming out on top. Lucien, good luck during tonight’s match. I think we'll both need it.

Jackson: Well, thanks for the interview, Doomsday.

Doomsday: No Problem.

[Doomsday stands up and shakes Jacksons hand. They have a conversation which nobody can hear as they walk out of the locker room and the camera fades back to the ring side area.]

LH: Brief words there from Doomsday. He at his friend Lucien are both making their NWC debuts in tonight's match. What do you think, Mike?

MM: I think I wanna know how the hell a guy like that gets his own personal interviewer! I haven't seen anyone with a personal interviewer since John Irons, and he actually had some talent!

LH: I think you're gonna see that Doomsday and Lucien have some talent as well, as does everyone in tonight's match.

MM: Blah blah, get on with it.

LH: This next match-up is the second part of the Survival of the Fittest tournament. Earlier we saw just an incredible six man match-up.

MM: And the three winners of this match get to square off in a three-way dance, right?

LH: Yep, three winners there, three winners here, and the winners of each three-way face off in the final round.

MM: Well, I would disagree that the first match was incredible, but I think this one might end a little different.

LH: How's that?

MM: In this match, even in the worst case scenario, the MWA's gonna have two winners move on! And I think it's more likely to be three!

LH: Well that certainly is good for the MWA but don’t count out Lee Clark so early. The man has more experience than his seven opponents combined!

MM: Exactly! They all know who the target is in there! Only one man in this match who I've even heard of is Rob Payne, and he's gonna beat down everyone here!

LH: I think we're ready to meet some of our competitors here tonight..

MM: Ya know what, Larry? I'm looking over tonight's program and I think some of these guys may not actually be wrestling. I mean, we don't have any time allotted for their entrances..

LH: Well I'm sure our producers have something in store for us.. Take it away, Keith!

KH: Ladies and gentlemen! In the second match of our Survival of the Fittest tournament, we will have eight competitors. Seven competitors make their wrestling home in the Missouri Wrestling Alliance, while only one makes his home Hawaii Island Wrestling. The rules of tonight's match are simple.. this is a three-way ladder match! There are three tickets suspended fifteen feet above the ring. The men who collect these three tickets will earn their way into a three-way dance tomorrow night!

[The crowd goes nuts anticipating a violent, thrilling match where eight men with ladders are competing for a chance to beat the crap out of each other 24 hours later!]

KH: Introducing first, making his second appearance since joining the Missouri Wrestling Alliance, Deja Vu!

[The lights dim then flash brightly as Deja Vu appears from the entrance stage. He holds one fist in the air as the fans, who enjoyed his performance last week on Genocide, give him a rousing round of applause on his way to the ring.]

KH: And now, making his National Wrestling Council debut, Lucien!

[Lucien appears from the entrance stage as pyros blast and the lights flash. He quickly makes his way down to the ring and hops inside, wasting no time..]

LH: This fine young athlete looks like he's in a hurry to get started!

MM: Yeah, pay me, pin me. None of these guys get paid by the hour.

KH: Also making his National Wrestling Council debut... Stupendous Man!

[Stupendous man, a fat guy in a pink costume, comes bouncing out onto the entrance stage. The fans jeer loudly, then start laughing as he clumsily cart-wheels down the ramp.]

LH: Well that was an impressive move for a man of his obvious girth.

MM: Yeah, this guy's a character, alright... A comic book character!

KH: Now, please welcome to the ring our third and fourth men making their NWC debut for us here, Ace and Ivan! Santa's Little Helpers!

[Enormous sparklers arise around the stage as Jingle Bells plays through the PA system. Two elvish little men, dressed like Christmas Elves hop out onto the entrance stage. Their own acrobatics are a little more successful than Stupendous Man's as they tumble and leap down the ramp and into the ring.]

MM: These guys are my favorites to win! 'Cause anytime someone starts climbing the ladder, they can just bite his ankles!

KH: And finally, our fifth competitor who is making his NWC debut tonight.... He's from Death Valley, California and weighs in tonight at 350 pounds and stands 7'1" he is DOOOOOOOMMMSSSSDDAAYYY!

[The lights go out."Highway to Hell" by Ac/Dc starts to blare over the loudspeakers the music brings most of Doomsdays fans to their feet.]

#Living easy, living free#
#Season ticket on a one-way ride#
#Asking nothing, leave me be#
#Taking everything in my stride#
#Don't need reason, don't need rhyme#
#Ain't nothing I would rather do#
#Going down, party time#
#My friends are gonna be there too#

[Red pyro's come from the entrance way with a mixed reaction from the fans. The camera then pans to the entranceway as Doomsday steps out from the curtains. He's wearing a black shirt that says "The new Tao Warriors are here" and black pants as he always wears. He then starts to walk down to the ring as he takes the time to slap some fans hands as he climbs over the top rope and into the ring as the song continues to play over the loudspeakers.]

#I'm on the Highway to Hell#
#On the Highway to Hell#
#Highway to Hell#
#I'm on the Highway to Hell#

LH: Well, the fans here may not be all that familiar with Doomsday, but they sure love this song, and that makes him alright in their book.

#No stop signs, speed limit#
#Nobody's gonna slow me down#
#Like a wheel, gonna spin it#
#Nobody's gonna mess me round#
#Hey Satan, payed my dues#
#Playing in a rocking band#
#Hey Momma, look at me#
#I'm on my way to the promised land#

[The song cuts off as Doomsday climbs over to one of the turnbuckles and takes a long look at the ladder and three tickets.]

[The lights in the arena dim to a twilight level, and a yellow haze descends upon the ladder, as "9pm (‘til I Come)" by ATB over the sound system of the Olympic Stadium. Just at that point, as the guitar riff begins, fireworks go off around the entrance, lighting up a star in sparks, and there, through the sparks, steps the former MCW Michigan-National champion, Lee "Starman" Clark.]

KH: Introducing... From Sheffield, England... Weighing in at two hundred and eighty-six pounds, he is the former MCW Tag, TV and Michigan-National champion. He is the "Star of the NWC", he is LEE "STARMAN" CLARK!!!!!!

LH: Boy, the fans love this guy. Listen to them scream! I think the fact that's not an American is probably a plus down here.

MM: I think the fact that's a bit fat suck-up is probably more of a turn-on...

[As the man in the blue pants with the yellow blaze trim reaches the ladder, he begins to climb it. And as he reaches the top, the HIW fans in attendance go ballistic for the big name "face" of HIW. Even the MWA fans give a good reception to the multiple time challenger to the NWC World Title. He takes the cheers for a second, before climbing down the ladder and making his way to the ring.]

MM: Here we go, saving the best for last!

["Dont Tread On Me" by Metallica blasts over the speakers! The crowd breaks out in an instant boo. Rob Payne walks out from in between the two black curtains. He wears his trademark black singlet with flames coming up the sides. He also wears his black Oakly sunglasses. He really takes his time walking to the ring. He stops on the middle of the aisle to look at a sign a fan is putting in his face. It reads "Rob Payne is a PAYNE in everyone's ass!" Rob takes the sign away from him and rips it to shreds. He then throws it back in his face. He then walks up the steps onto the apron. He turns around one more time to see the reaction of the crowd which is, as usual, a negative one. Rob grins and then turns around and hops over the top rope. He walks over to the announcer and grabs the mic from him. He waits for a few moments untill the crowd quiets down... He then begins to speak.]

Rob Payne: Well... Here I am. The HIW/MWA joint Pay Per View entitled Where Heaven and Hell Collide. Ya know, I would have been in the MWA Heavyweight title match, but for some reason, some jackass who runs this damn company doesn’t know what the f[BLEEP]k he's doing!

[Rob pauses.]

Rob Payne: So, here I am... In this damn 'Survival of the Fittest' tournament. Gimme a break! There's only one man in this entire tourney that actually defines the word 'fittest' and that's me! Lee Clark? HA! Lee Clark couldn’t beat his way out of a wet paper bag! And I'm about to show you this. I am about to beat everyone up this damn ladder for a ticket to the semi-finals! But, I warn you... If I am the first man to make it up this ladder I will take all three tickets, leaving the rest of you with jack s[BLEEP]t! So, unless you brought an entire army with you, I will be advancing to the second round on my own!

LH: Lee Clark's just kinda chuckling at Payne's slanderous remarks there. Payne is just the next in a long line of young punks who wants to make a name for himself at Lee Clark's expense. Heck, even Lee Clark's so-called friends are getting in the act.. did you hear what Ivan Vice had to say about him?

MM: Yeah, and I believe every word of it!

LH: Only you, Mike..

MM: And everyone who's ever actually met the guy in the person!

LH: All eight men in the ring right now, three ladders outside the ring, and three tickets above the ring. Let's get this match started!

[DING! DING! DING!]

LH: Just as soon as the bell rings, Stupendous Man and Rob Payne each jump outside of opposite sides of the ring! Lee Clark relaxes in the while the other five men converge in the middle and start pounding away on each other! I just hope Doomsday doesn't sit on one of Santa's Little Helpers..

MM: Immediately we see Payne's smarts at work and Lee's laziness!

LH: Stupendous Man looks like he's having trouble with his tights there.. they seem to be on backwards. Payne has already grabbed a ladder and is carrying it up the stairs.

MM: Payne might win this match right now while no one's looking!

LH: Payne props the ladder up on the apron, but Lucien sees what he's doing and rushes over there, knocking the ladder down the floor.. Payne just grabs a handful of Lucien's hair and whallops him right in the face!

MM: Serve's him right for blowing Payne's perfectly laid out plans.

LH: Doomsday and Deja Vu are going at it tooth and nail in the center of the ring while Ivan and Ace seem to be ineffective kicking their legs and trying to trip us these two big men..

MM: Clark finally decides to get into the match by getting out of the ring... he's going after Stupendous Man! Get him Stupey!

LH: Clark out there.. lands a hard blow across Stupendous Man's shoulders, knocking the poor guy down. Back in the ring, Payne is up on the ropes and comes down with a fist drop to Lucien's face!

MM: I'm tellin' ya, Payne is gonna win this whole thing tonight!

LH: Well I hate to tell ya, Mike, but the finals aren't until tomorrow..

MM: But Payne's gonna be the only man in the finals!

LH: OW! Look at that! Doomsday just tripped up Deja Vu in the ring and the guy fell right on top of Ivan! Dommsday starts stoming away on Deja Vu and Ivan while Doomsday's partner Lucien is getting the wind knocked out of him by Rob Payne!

MM: Yeah, and Clark is still hangin' around outside the ring taking it easy with Stupendous Man!

LH: Payne Irish whips Lucien right into Doomsday.. Doomsday whirls around and almost smacks his own partner! Ace takes the opportunity to pull his partner from under Deja Vu and gets them both out of the ring!

MM: Payne's a genius! While Doomsday and Lucien almost came to blows in the center, Payne's back out to get the ladder again!

LH: Lucien and Doomsday see that it's just them and Deja Vu in the ring and decide to take advantage... they lift him up, Irish whip into the ropes, double-clothesline! They just beheaded Deja Vu in there!

MM: Santa's Little Helpers look helpless outside the ring! Payne's grabbed another ladder and wants to get it inside and Clark is still just pounding on Stupendous Man!

LH: Payne's got one ladder in the ring, but Doomsday and Lucien aren't gonna let him get the win that easily! Payne's tried lifting the ladder over his head but those two behemoths just brought him AND the ladder crashing in the ring!

MM: NO! Payne didn't get that ladder for you, dammit!

LH: Lucien sets up the ladder right between two tickets, probably so that he and Doomsday can both grab them!

MM: And WHAT'S THIS! Clark was just about to get back in the ring and here's Steve Sands! What does he want??

LH: Obviously he wants to distract Lee Clark and prevent him from winning! Clark lets go of Stupendous Man and chases Sands back up the ramp!

MM: Lucien's gonna get a ticket! He's up the ladder!

LH: NO! Ace and Ivan slide back into the ring and manage to topple it, sending Lucien falling down on top of Ivan! Now they're over to hold down Rob Payne!

MM: Huh, whattaya know? I never thought those two jumbo shrimp would have anything to do with the other gyus in this match..

LH: Deja Vu's back to his feet but he looks pretty groggy in there, still feeling the effects of that clothesline. And here comes Clark again. I guess he realized that Steve Sands can wait, but this match can't.

MM: Or maybe Sands made a scary face and ran him off.

LH: I kinda doubt that, Mike. Clark means business this time! He rams Stupendous Man's head into the ring apron and throws the pinko back into the ring.. now's Clark has the second ladder! And Lucien and Doomsday are back on their feet to grab Stupendous Man!

MM: Payne's back to his feet! He just kicked off Santa's Little Helpers! All eight men are back in the ring now, and we've only got two ladders in there!

LH: Clark's in with that ladder, but he's not setting it up.. what's he doing! He holds it his head and runs! CLOTHESLINE WITH THE LADDER! Payne and Déjà vu went over the ropes!

MM: NO! Stop him, Payne!! Everyone goes down except the two tiny guys!

LH: Wait a second, some of the fans are going crazy near the entrance stage but we can't see what's going on. It looks like someone just jumped into the crowd and is making his way to the ring. Clark's setting up the ladder.... he's going for it and there's no one to stop him!

MM: Except for Santa's Little Helpers! They each grab and leg, preventing Clark from climbing! He's kicking wildly but can't get 'em off! HAHA! I love it!

LH: Oh, Christ... It's JW Oswald!! The ex-world champion just hopped over the ringside railing and onto the apron. Clark doesn't see him, but Oswald's climbing the ropes! Get off him, you two little twits!

MM: YES! YESSSSS! ASSASSIN'S BULLET! Clark goes DOWN and Oswald just took him OUT of this match!

LH: What the hell is it with these HIW guys? If they've got problems with Lee Clark they should be settled in an one-on-one matchup!

MM: You sound just like my grandpa there, Larry! OOOH! Oswald just picked up that ladder and SLAMMED it down HARD on Lee Clark, Lucien, and Doomsday!

LH: Payne and Deja Vu are up on the outside... Payne whips Deja Vu.. REVERSAL! Deja Vu sends Payne HARD into the ringpost!

MM: Oswald's done his job, he looks so pleased with himself!

LH: Well at least he's finally getting the hell out of this match.

MM: Payne's hurting out there... bite him, Payne! Don't let that little weirdo treat you like that!

LH: Looks like Ace and Ivan are gonna try and get the tickets now.. they're struggling with the ladder, but they've got it set. Ivan climbs up first.... he can't reach! Ivan woulda won this match if he was a couple of feet taller!

MM: He might still get a ticket.. Ace is climbing up the ladder and onto his shoulders!

LH: They're close.. Ace is just a few inches away.. NO! Stupendous Man just rolled over and toppled the ladder! Both midgets go SAILING out of the ring, landing on Rob Payne and Deja Vu!

MM: Doomsday's getting back up now.. he's helping Lucien. They're gonna get Clark!

LH: Doomsday lifts his partner over his head in a Military Press... He DROPS him right on top of Lee Clark! Clark looks hurt!

MM: As well he should be! That weakling has no business being in this match with real athletes like Stupendous Man!

LH: Doomsday and Lucien are going to work on Stupendous Man now.. Irish whip... double-clothesline! Same thing they did to Deja Vu earlier and HE still hasn't recovered!

MM: Payne's got Ivan and Ace on the outside! He just tossed them into the audience! Ha!

LH: I don't think the audience wants to let them get back in, either! Security is over there and fighting with a couple of big burly men who seem to want to keep 'em!

MM: Well they're just so cute! I'd bring one home to my girlfriend and name him Poopiehead!

LH: You're a sick man..

MM: You say that every week, and yet you still love me.

LH: I never.. nevermind! Payne's got that third ladder on the outside, and he cracks Deja Vu over the head with it!

MM: I think Jackie Chan used that movie.. you know, in that movie?

LH: I think Jackie Chan was a little more artisitic about it, but the effect is the same! Payne's taking that second ladder back into the ring, where Lucien and Doomsday and manhandling Stupendous Man and Lee Clark is in the corner trying to recover his breath!

MM: Payne's got the ladder setup... NO! Doomsday trips him halfway up! NOO!

LH: Payne just crashed his head onto that third rung! Doomsday and Lucien go back to work on Stupendous Man, just taking turns body slamming him and kicking him! They want this guy OUT of the match!

MM: Payne's going for it again! He's slowly making his way up, but he's getting there!

LH: Clark's up! He sees Payne on the ladder and gets over there to stop him! Clark climbs up the other side of the ladder and grabs Payne's head... He slams Payne's head into the top rung!

MM: No way is Payne gonna take that crap! He grabs a handful of Clarks hair and rams Clarks' head into the top rung! One! Two!

LH: Clarks blocks! He reaches around.. DDT! CLARK JUST THE LADDER AND PAYNE BACKWARDS INTO A DDT!!! Oh my god!!

MM: NOOOOO! Payne's OUT! Get up! Get up, Payne!!

LH: I think Clark may have hurt his back on that move.. he fell quite a way as well..

MM: WHO CARES?! I don't care about Clark! GET UP, PAYNE!

LH: Doomsday and Lucien head outside the ring to get that last ladder.. while they're out they slam Deja Vu into the concrete floor just for good measure. Ivan and Ace are still trying to get away from those two big guys! I think Security's about to start making some arrests!

MM: Deja Vu and Stupendous Man may as well just leave this match now.. both of 'em have been manhandled by the big guys!

LH: Clark is getting back to his feet.. He's alone in the center of the ring.. he's climbing.. No! Payne gets up just enough to grab Clark's tights, showing us a full moon but dragging Clark back to the mat.

MM: How humiliating! If my butt ever got that many pimples...

LH: Would you stop! Payne slowly gets back to his feet as Clark rears back for a HARD blow across Payne's back! Payne back to his knees... Clark turns back to the ladder... LOW BLOW! Low blow by Payne knocks Clark back to the floor!

MM: Brilliant move by Payne! If there's no rules ya can't break 'em!

LH: Now Payne's going for the ladder! Clark is still doubled over.. but Payne's in pain!

MM: You've been wanting to say that for weeks, haven't you?

LH: Indeed I have... Payne's slowly making his way up the ladder... Clark reaches through and grabs his foot! Payne tries to kick away but loses his balance! Payne's dangling through the ladder by his left leg!

MM: Oh, no! Poor Payne! Get in there and stop this maniac, Doomsday!

LH: Doomsday and Lucien are having too much fun out there with Deja Vu and Stupendous Man, just manhandling those two guys. Look at them out there, just slamming both of their opponents between the apron and the railing.. both Deja Vu and Stupendous Man look like they're out of it!

MM: Yeah, and these Towel Warriors are about to lose the match!

LH: Clark's heading up the ladder.. his back is in serious pain, but he's making it...

MM: And finally they pay attention! Doomsday and Lucien get back in the ring, but so do Ivan and Ace!

LH: Oh god, don't tell me that Ivan and Ace think they can stop Doomsday and Lucien from climbing that ladder! Santa's Little Helpers climb the ropes in the corners... I don't think Doomsday and Lucien see them. They're off!

MM: FLYING EYE GOUGES!!! I think that's the most beautiful move I've ever seen! Ivan and Ace both came flying off the ropes against Lucien and Doomsday and hit them both in the eyes!

LH: It may be dirty and cheap but it's effective.. there's no other way these two little guys are gonna stand up against two monsters.. Clark's still heading up the ladder... he's at the top..

MM: NO! FLYING EYE GOUGE HIM!

LH: HE'S GOT IT! LEE CLARK GRABS THE FIRST TICKET!

MM: All thanks to the flying midgets! Payne woulda won that match if they hadn't interfered!!

LH: Interfered?! They're part of this match, too! And Payne is just dangling there from ankle! Clark's by far the most talented and experienced man in this match, so it should come as no surprise that he won while everyone else was preoccupied.

MM: Clark just scored another cheap, cowardly victory in my eyes!

LH: Well fortunately your eyes don't matter much here.. Clark jumps back to the mat and exits the ring hastily.. it's time to let the last seven guys fight it out!

MM: Well Payne still has the best chances of all, I'd say!

LH: I won't disagree with you there, but he'd better get himself out of his current predicament! He's gonna break his leg if anyone knocks that ladder over and he's already turning a pretty shade of purple!

MM: He's just playing it safe...

LH: Doomsday and Lucien are punishing Santa's Little Helpers for interfering now... this is sick! These two monsters could kill those two little guys without even trying to hurt them!

MM: They deserve it! Those flying eye gouges hurt.. I remember when I used to use that as my finisher...

LH: You never..! Deja Vu starts to slowly get back in the ring... Stupendous Man is still flat on his back on the outside, having not yet recovered from the beating Doomsday and Lucien were giving him earlier.

MM: Well isn't that nice? Deja Vu just punched Rob Payne, but knocked him loose of the ladder. He woulda been better off just climbing it himself!

LH: Deja Vu looks like he's in a wrestling match now, he's got Rob Payne in a reverse ankle lock, taking advantage of Payne's obviously injured leg.

MM: Yeah, and Doomsday and Lucien keep on working on those two elves! I think those dinks are out of this match for good!

LH: Doomsday gives up on Ivan, who looks like he might have been knocked unconscious.. He grabs Deja Vu by the neck! Deja Vu breaks his hold on Payne and tries to squirm away, but Doomsday's lifting him up... CHOKESLAM! Doomsday just planted Deja Vu in the center of the ring!

MM: Payne's so smart, look at him get out of the ring to regroup! He knows that Doomsday and Lucien seem to be in no hurry to win this one!

LH: I think Stupendous Man may be finally getting back to the world of the living... he has one of the ladders outside and slides it into the ring..

MM: Surely he must realize that his efforts are doomed to fail?

LH: You might be surprised.. fat guys in pink always seem to come out on top in the end.

MM: Was that a...

LH: You don't ask, I won't tell.

MM: I'm proud of you!

LH: I feel so dirty now..

MM: I think Payne has the same idea as Stupendous Man.. he just slid the other ladder into the other side of the ring!

LH: And Doomsday and Lucien continue ignoring half of their opponents while working on the other half!

MM: Stupendous Man and Payne quickly set up ladders under the other two tickets.. I think Payne's got it!

LH: I think Lucien and Doomsday would disagree... They attack even before Stupey and Payne can start climbing!

MM: Oh, come on! Payne deserves to win this one!

LH: Lucien's got Payne in a big bearhug! And Doomsday whips Stupendous Man into the ropes.. BIG boot to the face! LEG DROP! Doomsday just brought the weight of his giant body crashing across Stupendous Man's neck!

MM: Deja Vu's up.. he grabs a ladder and pulls it down on top of Lucien! YES! Lucien lost his hold on Payne! Go, Payne!

LH: Deja Vu starts kicking Lucien in the ribs, payback for the beating Lucien and Doomsday were giving him earlier. Payne sees his chance! He's trying to sneak up that second ladder!

MM: He's up! WHAT'S HE DOING! He grabs the other ladder and jumps down, smashing Doomsday across the head!

LH: Remember, Payne wanted to get all the tickets! He's gonna try to make sure no one else can win! He's back up...

MM: HE DID IT! YESSSSS!!!!!!! My man Payne just got the second ticket!

LH: And now he's reaching for the last ticket as well! He's almost there!

MM: OH NO!!!!!!!

LH: Lucien and Deja Vu just knocked into that ladder Payne was standing on and Payne's down!

MM: Go get that last ticket, Payne!

LH: I think Payne sees that his chance is gone.. he slithers outside the ring and watches from the safety of the floor.

MM: He can still get it if he just...

LH: No go, Payne shrugs and starts sauntering back up the ramp.. well, as well as a man with a badly injured ankle can saunter anyway.

MM: Oh well, I guess we're gonna see one of these other losers tomorrow night. Go Ace!

LH: Right now Ace and Ivan would have just as good a shot as any.. if they weren't completely knocked out.

MM: Lucien and Deja Vu are the only two on their feet right now.. Doomsday may have been hit harder by that ladder than it looked...

LH: I think he was! Deja Vu and Lucien are just trading lefts and rights! Lucien blocks! Deja Vu blocks! Deja Vu hits! Over and over! These two are like a couple of superheavyweight boxers in there!

MM: There's Stupendous Man, he's on his hands and knees... LUCIEN TRIPS!

LH: Lucien just tripped over Stupendous Man! But Doomsday's starting to get up! Deja Vu is the only man on his feet and he's setting up a ladder!

MM: Stupendous Man just tackled Lucien! What's he doing, trying to hump him like a dog?!

LH: That's disgusting! Ewww.. but true, I guess. Umm, anyway! Doomsday just grabbed Deja Vu... overhead suplex! Doomsday just ripped Deja Vu off the ladder, fell straight back and dropped him!

MM: That'll teach Deja Vu to try and steal a win from the Towel Warriors!

LH: Deja Vu's back to his feet already! I think Doomsday took most of the impact of that fall!

MM: Um, well that'll teach Doomsday to try and use scientific wrestling moves he doesn't understand!

LH: Deja Vu around to the other side of the ladder where he can reach the ticket.. Doomsday is back up and starts up the ladder himself! These two start trading blows halfway up the ladder!

MM: Hoha! Ace is back to his feet.. He's climbing up Doomsday's leg!

LH: Doomsday ignores him! He grabs Deja Vu's head and smashes it onto the top rung! DEJA VU IS BUSTED OPEN!

MM: And Ace just keeps on climbing! He's up on Doomsday's shoulders now! ACE MIGHT TAKE IT!

LH: NO! Doomsday reaches up for the ticket and knocks Ace off balance! That poor little man just fell over ten feet to the mat!!

MM: DOOMSDAY'S GOT IT! HE REACHES!!

LH: He's got his fingertips on it.. he takes another step... NOOO! Déjà vu headbutts Doomsday! Doomsday starts to lose his balance and grabs that top rung..

MM: Deja Vu just gave Doomsday a blody gushing headbutt!

LH: Deja Vu reaches... HE'S GOT IT! Deja Vu has the ticket in hand and he jumps to the mat! This match is OVER!!!

[DING! DING!! DING!!!]

LH: Doomsday was THIS CLOSE! He wasn't even inches away!

MM: Well, you know what they say, Larry..

LH: What's that?

MM: Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades!

LH: I’ve just received word from the production crew that we have even more unbelievable footage to show you concerning the World Tag Champs M.U.M. and the Perverse Romans.

MM: You mean the plane actually took off?

LH: It apparently has, Mike. We’re going to go to that footage now, which is very rough. Apparently, this took place about four hours ago while the plane they were travelling on, the Romans’ private Concorde jet was on approach to the airport here in Mexico City. The camera crew sent it via satellite which is why we have it for you now. Roll it boys!

[We cut to the interior of the plane. The camera is very unsteady thanks to the combination of air turbulence that is rocking the plane and the fact that the camera is having to constantly move in order toavoid the combatants. What we see at open is a very weary Denton Cage, who is lying on his back on the floor of the plane while the Perverse Roman’s Caligula is straddled above him. He has one hand grabbing the back of Denton’s head and he is slowly, methodically measuring his punches and hammering on Cage.]

MM: Cage and Caligula! Look at them go!

LH: This is unreal! They’re actually still fighting on the plane!

MM: Now THIS is how you decide a true champion. Fight till one team drops.

[The cameraman gets knocked silly by something unforeseen at his feet. He trips and falls, the camera crashing to the ground. Once there, we can pick up the erratic image of M.U.M.’s Diego Valencia as he has Nero’s head between his legs in a tight head scissors. It is clear that both men are spent. Diego’s grip is solid but the pressure he is applying is less than severe at this point. Nero on the other hand, is using what little strength he has to keep Diego’s legs from slipping into a position where they could choke him.]

LH: How much longer can they keep this up? They’ve been seemingly going toe-to-toe since Saturday night!

MM: That’s AWESOME! A 48 hour brawl to the death! I love it! I love it! I want more!

LH: This must be a very unnerving experience for the pilots. They’ve got to be aware of what is going on in the main compartment.

MM: Who cares. Just so long as they get them here.

[The cameraman has apparently regained his composure as our view suddenly shifts when he picks the apparatus up. We remained focused on Diego and Nero until we are distracted by the sudden sound of glass shattering.]

*SMASH *

LH: My God! What was that?

[The camera whips around hard and fast to where the noise came from. What we see is Caligula slumped backwards, a small trickle of blood beginning to make it’s way down the side of his skull. Denton Cage is still lying underneath Caligula, but he is propped up by one arm, the other holding aloft the remnants of a pitcher of water. His hand is a bloody mess but he seems satisfied that he was able to knock Caligula off of him and is now trying his best to extricate himself from the entanglement.]

LH: Did Cage just smash a pitcher of water over Caligula’s head?

MM: I believe he did, brainiac.

LH: That’s savage!

MM: Sure is. Let’s see more.

[In the background we see a few of the other personnel who were accompanying the Romans’ on the trip. They are huddled in a mass looking frightened. Denton drags himself up from his position on the floor and collapses onto a nearby couch, looking exhausted beyond belief. Caligula likewise crawls his way up to a couch on the opposing side of the cabin and grabs a small cocktail napkin off an end-table and presses it to his fresh wound.]

LH: I swear, these two teams are gonna kill each other before they even reach Mexico.

MM: Should be one hell of a trip through Customs,that’s for sure.

[We suddenly cut back to a shot of the announcers at ringside. Larry Higgins has his finger pressed to his ear and looks to be concentrating on what is being relayed to him through his headset.]

LH: I’ve just got word that... yes... YES! M.U.M.and the Romans’ are here. They’ve just arrived outside. We’re going to go to live footage.

[Outside the arena we see a pair of limousines pull up. After a few tense moments, we see the door to one of the limo’s open and out steps Nero. He looks like he’s dead on his feet. A series of security staff run over to him and he just pushes his way through the crowd and makes his way to the door of the arena. Behind him comes Caligula. He has a bloodied rag held to his head and he too looks like death warmed over. Immediately, a member of the arena medical staff rushes over to him to inspect his wound. At first, Caligula resists, pushing the woman away. But his strength and will is weak and she eventually is able to convince him to let her have a look. She peels the bandage away and we here him let out a quick yelp.]

Caligula: HEY! Watch it, peasant.

[As they pass by the camera and make their way into the arena, we return our focus to the second limo from where Denton Cage and Diego Valencia have begun to emerge. Denton looks tired and pissed. Once he steps out, he puts his hands on his hips and arches his back, trying to stretch the muscles and crack his back. Meanwhile, Diego has crawled out as well. He tries to stand but is so weak that his legs immediately give way and he falls to his hands and knees. A team of security and medical staff rush over and two of them throw Diego’s arms over their shoulders to hold him up. From off screen we hear the voice of Caligula.]

Caligula (OS): This isn’t finished, pig!

Cage: Don’t worry, maggot, we’re not going anywhere. We’ll see you two inside.

[With that the footage ends and we return to a shot of the announcers table.]

LH: I honestly don’t know what to say. This has been an incredible story and we haven’t even got to the match yet.

MM: These two teams sure do want each other bad. If they ever make it to the ring it is going to be one colossal fight.

LH: It already has been, Mike, it already has been.

MM:  True.

LH:  OK, Mike.  It’s about time I made way for the HIW announce team.  You staying?

MM:  Of course.

LH: What? They’re at it again?

MM: Now what?

LH: I’m receiving word that M.U.M. and the Perverse Romans’ have ended their cease fire and are now going at it in the dressing area. More live footage. Let’s take you there.

[The scene cuts backstage to a common lounge area, where the two exhausted teams are still going at it. When we catch up with them, Cage has Nero on his shoulder and is about to slam his body into a wall, while Caligula has is hands covering Diego's eyes, trying to blind the guy! A security guard rushes up behind Caligula and threatens to whack him with a nightstick, but Caligula kicks him in the gut, sending him to the floor. Caligula immediately sticks his fingers back in Diego's eyes without missing a beat.]

[As Nero's small body goes crashing into the wall, Cage turns around and kicks Caligula in the back, breaking his hold on Diego's eyes. The two men stomp away on Caligula for several seconds, then lift him in the air for a double-gutbuster, only to be sent falling to the ground when Nero jumps off a car onto his partner. Caligula lands on top of Cage and Diego, but all four men are broken and beaten right now.]

[Another security guard tries to grab Cage by the leg to drag him away from the fight, but isn't strong enough. As he leans down, Cage twists his body, kicking the guard in the back of the head, an enziguri of sorts. Nero and Diego are the first to their feet as each tries to bludgeon the other by trading punches. Cage beats Caligula back up and captures the Roman in a vicious ankle lock. As Caligula screams and tries to crawl away, Nero is able to Irish whip Diego into Cage, breaking the hold, but then he collapses himself!]

LH: Someone should get back there and stop these guys before all four of them end up in hospital!

MM: No way! Did you see the Romans taking out the champs! Let 'em fight!

LH: This is despicable, Mike! I can't believe that even you would want to ruin what should have been an incredible world tag team title match by letting the champs and the challengers do all their fighting before the match!

MM: I just wanna see the tougher team win, that's all! How can you tell who's tougher if you stop the match?!

LH: But the match hasn't...

MM: I don't care! These two teams both look incredible right now, but someone's gonna have to lose eventually!

LH: I can't believe you... let's get back to matches that are taking place... IN THE RING WHERE THEYBELONG!

[The announcers change as we cut to Joe Hirono for the match announcements]

JH:  Ladies and gentleman... The following contest is a one fall match up for
the HIW TAG TEAM TITLES!!  INVOLVING Not one, but THREE HIW Tag Teams!

[Big pop for the match.]

JH:  Introducing first.... The team of Ra!  The team of Loki!  The FORMER HIW
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!  THE DEMIGODS!!!

[One by one Loki and Ra enter the eye sight of the fans.  Sullen and powerful
stand both these men.  Prepared for a war and a war they stand awaiting.  To
the aisle, they see and hear no fear and the fans mean nothing around them.
At the ring now, one-by-one they enter.  The massive Ra follows the smaller
Loki.  Together as a team they await their opponents.]

JK:  Holy shit.  These guys scare the piss out of me.

MA:  Yeah, they would.

JK:  What's that supposed to mean?

MM:  Whatta ya think it means, clutz.  It means you're a fucking pussy.

JK:  Kiss my ass, Masters.

MA:  Folks, we're now awaiting the entrance of the Crazy Ones.

[And here they come.]

JH:  Now making their way to the ring... The team of The Missing Link and
Maniac Mike!!  They are... THE CRAZY ONES!!!

MM:  What a bunch of goofs.  Goes to show you what kind of talent you damn
Hawaiians hire.

JK:  For once, Masters, I'll haveto agree with you.

MM:  That's m'boy.

[Back to Joe.]

(The ovation starts even before the lilting of classical mariachi horns--as
ironic as it seems, a man who doesn't talk and wears a mask is the main
attraction in his home country, and in Mexico City, the legacy of Los Psychos
Rudos and Don David Lucero's lineage makes for an incredible crowd response.)

JH: And finally... making their way to the ring at this time..

(The horns reach a squeaky crescendo, then suddenly die out, replaced by a
robust bassbox beat. Arms flail, children are raised from the ground to dad's
shoulders, and the roof goes -pop-.)

#Tres.. tres.. tres-tres-tres.. tres delinquentes, step into the madness...#

JH: Weighing in at a combined five-hundred and forty-two pounds...

(From the entrance arrive two figures.. though not what you'd expect. For the
local fans, something far better.. more than likely, for those of you at
home, raised eyebrows en masse.)

#Que pasa, cholo? Que pasa, ese? Que pasa, flaca, and grande bese'?#

JH: The team of Los Psychos Rudos.. "El Payaso Gigante" Don David Lucero..
and..

(An immense explosion of sound, nearly enough to eclipse the announcement of
Lucero's impromptu replacement partner for the contest. The crowd on either
side of the aisle barrier is beside itself, leaning over the railing, trying
to paw at either luchedore, arms outstretched and voices shrill.)

#Even heinas got mas amo... brown skin, raza pride, urbano de camo.. #

JH: .. La Mahistral himself.. El Payaso Gigante Originale'.. Mihan.. Gu..
ti.. ERRRRREZZZZ!

(Another tremendous pop, as both men reach the ring. Lucero, in his latex
tights and matching mask of shiny black and purple, with the local legend,
Gutierrez, fancying a scooped falcon-style cowl of blue and silver. It
doesn't take a genius to see that Mihan's been in the game for most of his
life.. from a good glance at his lean, leathery physique, he'd be figured at
his mid-forties, Lucero's height of six foot four, but extremely lean in
comparison. He handsprings over the ropes, grand cape with the Serpico de
Mexicano on it and all, as Lucero ducks beneath.)

MM: Okay.. does anybody want to tell me what the HELL is going on here?

MA: We had speculated that Lucero, despite being the hometown favorite here
tonight, did NOT have a partner following the bizarre events that transpired
at last week's Luau..

JK: So?

MA: .. So, you're looking at him.

MM: Some old guy in a halloween mask?

MA: More correctly, Mike, that's Mihan Gutierrez, the twenty-year veteran of
the local lucha libre circuits, eight-time world champion, former leader of
the legendary Los Antifaz del Rudisto stable, and originator of the Payaso
Gigante lineage.

JK: Big deal. In two words: "Grey goat".

MA: What?

JK: Never mind.

[DING DING DING!!]

MA:  At any rate, it's going to be the massive Ra and Maniac Mike to start
this contest off with a bang.

JK:  Amazing how the ref was able to control these guys.

MM:  I second that.  With a name like Maniac Mike... Something bad's going to
happen.

JK:  Moron.

MA:  Mike and Ra lock up in the middle of the ring now... Irish Whip by Ra..
But Loki right there with a knee to Mike's back!!

JK:  There you go!  Classic tag team cheating, and the match just started!

MM:  This is MY kind of fight.

JK:  Sure it is.

MA:  The Maniac is quickly back to his feet.. Charging full steam ahead at Ra
now!!  And yes!  He nails Ra with a POWERFUL shoulder block!

MM:  Amazingly enough, the bastard's still standing.

JK:  What'd you expect?  The crumbling of the Sears tower?

MA:  Mike again takes to the ropes... And.. NO!  NO!  Ra grabs a hold of the
smaller man's throat!  AND DOWN WITH A CHOKESLAM!!

JK:  God!  It must suck to be small.

MM:  Ouch, man.  Must suck to be you, then.

JK:  How about you ask your girlfriend on that one?

MA:  Alright, enough.  Ra with the pickup, now... MY LORD!  A toss into the
corner of the Los Psychos Rudos!  He wants the number one contenders in that
ring, and now!

JK:  I would've never guessed.

MM:  You Hawaiiain folk are pretty damn weird.

MA:  Maniac Mike does indeed make the tag to Lucero.. And in comes one half
of the Rudos!

JK:  Whoa, whoa, whoa.  What's this?  Ra wants... BOTH of them?

MM:  Wow.  That bastard's a hell of a lot stupider than I had first imagined.

MA:  And here comes Mihan.  This isn't looking good for Ra at all.

JK:  Well no shit, Sherlok.

MA:  Wait!  Mihan's behind the big man!  He snuck behind Ra!  Here comes
Lucero!!

JK:  The classic playground tripping trick!!  Ra's stumbling!!

MM:  HAHA!  I love it!

MA:  But he stays a float!!  Lucero has the big man hooked for the ride,
and.... YES! YES!  Scoop slam by the hometown hero!

JK:  Listen to these nuts!

MA:  And Mihan's taking to the top rope!  Ra's still prone on the mat!

JK:  He leaps!

MM:  Ouch.  Ra gets smothered by a two hundred pound taco.

JK:  And whatta ya know?  The Burrito Grande's covering the over grown tree
trunk.

..............1


.....................2


...........................Thre-

MA:  And our first pin attempt of the match up is an unsuccessful one!

MM:  What else did you expect, moron.

JK:  Hey!  I'm the only one that can say that.

MA:  And Lucero!!  To the corner!

JK:  I sense a BIG move coming on!

MA:  Lucero.. TAGS is The Missing Link?

MM:  Woo!  HUGE move there by Lucero!  I love it!

JK:  Shut up, Masters.

MA:  And now it's Ra and The Missing Link in there.  Irish Whip by the Link
onto Ra... Into the ro-- Wait!  Ra runs into Mihan!  The ref's calling that
a... Tag?!?

MM:  Amazing turn of events!  Sheesh.

MA:  Now it's Mihan and The Missing Link in the ring.... A collar and elbow
tie up in the middle of the ring... And DOWN goes Mihan via short
clothlesline by the Missing Link!

JK:  My God!  If that's a short clothline, I don't even want to see a long
one.

MM:  Are you always this stupid?

JK:  Kiss ma ass.

MA:  The Link against the ropes!!  Hovering over Mihan, now!!  AND DOWN WITH
A BIG SPLASH!!  Mihan's down and the Link has the advantage!

MM:  I think he's missing something.

JK:  Hm?

MM:  A link or something.

JK:  Geeze.

MA:  A pick up by The Missing Link... And another Irish Whip!

JK:  Wait!  Did you see that?  Mihan made a blind tag to Lucero!  The Missing
Link doesn't realize this!

MM:  I told you he was missing something.

MA:  Here comes Lucero off the top rope!!  BUT THE LINK PLANTS MIHAN WITH A
URANGE SLAM!!

JK:  But Lucero comes down like a downpour in Hawaii!!  Double ax-handle
stuns the Link!  And a HUGE Lariat sends the man to the mat with force!

MM:  I guess he's missing his head, now.

MA:  Don David Lucero with a pick-up now on the Missing Link... Irish Whip
into the ropes.  And a HUGE Powerslam on the rebound!  The Link hits the mat
hard!

JK:  And Lucero tags in Loki?

MM:  I tell you.  These people confuse the hell out of me.  A tag here, a tag
there.  It's amazing.

MA:  Loki and The Missing Link in the ring, right now.  The Missing Link just
getting up frm the last attacks... And right back down with a standing
dropkick  Loki!

JK:  HA!  And to the outside!  DOWN goes the Missing Link!

MA:  Loki!  Loki!!  Suicide Dive to the outside!  Both men crash into the
steel barricades!

MM:  Ah hell.  Here come the rest of the troops.  Ra and the Maniac coming
around the mountain as we speak.

JK:  WooHoo!  A barnburner!

MA:  Loki with the Missing Link now!!  A pick up!  And a face first whip into
the ring steps!!  RA WITH THE SAME TO MIKE ON THE OTHER SIDE!!  The Crazy
Ones are down!

MM:  Yes!

JK:  For the last time, shut the hell up!

MA:  Wait!  The Rudos!  Mihan and Lucero are both perched on the top rope!

MM:  And aimed directly at the Demigods!!

JK:  This is NOT going to be pretty.

MA:  They jump!  The Rudos jump!  SKY-HIGH BODYBLOCK!!  What a double team
move by the number one contenders!

JK:  And ALL four men hit the concrete floor hard!

MM:  And during this time, the Crazy Ones were geting their asses out of
Kansas.

MA:  The Missing Link now rolling Mihan into the ring!  I guess you have your
legal men right there.  WAIT!  THE COVER!

JK:  He has enough sense to pin someone?!?

...........1


.................2


.......................Three!

MA:  No!  Lucero with the save!!  And he pulls The Missing Link out of the
ring!!  In goes Ra!

MM:  This is crazy!

MA:  Ra with a pick up on Mihan by the throat!  The big man has his eight
feet in the air!!  AND DOWN WITH HIS PATENTED HAND OF RA!!!

JK:  Ahh!!  Now RA WITH THE COVER!!!

.............1


.....................2


............................THREE!!

MA:  NO!!! Maniac Mike with the save!1  And HE pulls out Ra!

JK:  And in goes Mike, quickly followed by Lucero!

MM:  Meanwhile, The Demigods are DESTROYING The Crazy Ones on the outside!

MA:  Maniac Mike with an easy Gorilla Press applied to Mihan!!  But Lucero!!
Lucero with a shoulder tackle to the knee of Mike!!  He drops Mihan!!

JK:  And both of the Rudos jet to the top rope as Mike squirms in pain!!

MA:  Lucero leaps!!  FLYING CROSS BODY!!

JK:  And here comes Mihan!!

MA:  Yes!  Yes!  El Astral de Muerte!!  Mihan's flying headbutt finisher!!

MM:  My God!!  Does this mean what I think it does?!?

JK:  Amazing.

MA:  Lucero's already on top for the pin attempt!

..............1


...................2




..........Loki and Ra try to make the save!!.............. 

THREEEEEEEEEE!!!

MM:  Too late!  Too late!!

MA:  The Los Psychos Rudos are the NEW HIW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!

JK:  Yeah, with the help of some unknown Mexican Taco maker.

MA:  And here come the famous Los Rudistos Neos to the ring to celebrate.
These guys are Mexico's heroes.

MM:  Figures.  What a joke.

JK:  And look at this... As the damned celebration continues in the ring, The
Demigods are destroying the Crazy Ones through the crowd!

MA:  For the ones that don't know, in the ring now are The Los Psychos Rudos
with Rico Tambaysco, El Pirahna, Almo de Tigre, and Eternale'.

MM:  And we should care?

MA:  Just listen to these fans for christ's sake.

JK:  Blah blah blah... Let's get on with the show.  We have new tag champs.
Nuff' said.

MA: Ok I guess Chaz Wilder and Lance Wilder commonly known as Obsession Inc.

are standing backstage willing to talk to us.

[The camera switches to backstage where standing in front of a big When

Heaven And Hell Collide Logo is "Chick Magnet" Chaz Wilder and "Loverman"

Lance Wilder.]

MM: ALRIGHT!! Hey you guys know you're my favorites to win this tournament

right?

Chaz: Um yeah that's great...we're everyone’s favorite to win the tournament

and you know why?

Lance: Because we're just that good.

MM: Well you guys seem to be confident, are you guys ready for the TTF

Syndicate today?

Lance: What kind of bonehead question is that? Of course we're ready.. the Bay

Area Bombers are ready for everyone.. the TTF are the ones you should be

asking about that. I mean those guys aren't even on the same page.

Chaz: We're more ready for this match then any match we've ever been in and

tonight TTF is going to learn why we're just Picture Perfect.

JK: Hah! I love that line..

Chaz: Yeah well you should all love it you'll be hearing it a lot.

MA: Well .. what about this brutal attack on the TTF Syndicate earlier tonight? The two masked men obviously were built like you two.

Lance: Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up here. You think we were behind that attack on Scotty and Jex? Yeah right, back fighting just isn't our style boys.

JK: Yeah, don't you know that.

Chaz: Shut up, and quit kissing our asses. If you three think we were behind that attack, then you are sadly mistaken. As Lance said, that just isn't our style. We are just as shocked as you guys are.

Lance: We do hope they show up so we can beat them like the nimrods they are.

MA: Ok..well how do you guys feel about being the first match in the Al

Lucente Tournament?

Lance: Well it's obvious why they've chosen us to be the opening match

because they want to show the best talent first to get people

interested.. look if you guys dont have any real questions for us we're going

to go...these plebians dont deserve to be feasting their eyes on Picture

Perfection!

[Lance and Chaz laugh and then walk out of the picture.]

MM: Man those guys are great!

MA: Well Obsession Inc. are looking readier then ever and that match is

coming up later.

MA: Folks it is time for the MWA Ozark title match between "The Harbinger" Luke Marshall and "Shotgun" Daniel Smith. Should be a great one.

JK: I'm going to get a beer, you want one Mike?

MA: Sure

JK: Not you, the COOL Mike.

MM: Yeah, thanks Joe!

MA: Joe Hirono is in the ring

Joe Hirono: Ladies and Gentlemen this next match is for the MWA OZARK MOUNTAIN TITLE! First, the challenger! He stands at 6 feet 5 inches and weighs in at 271 pounds. He hails from San Antonio, Texas. He is a former 2 time Television Champion and a former tag team champion. Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel "Shotgun SMITH!!!!

["Wynona's Big Brown Beaver" begins to play. After a few seconds, out walks Smith. He has on his normal outfit now...the red t-shirt with "SHOTGUN" imprinted in black on the back side, black jeans, and black boots. His hair is back to normal. But, yes...he doesn't have his moustache. But he is carrying his shotgun with him in his right hand. He stops right at the entrance and raises his left arm in glory. After nodding his head in confidence, he drops his arm and heads for the ring. Once there, he rolls under the bottom rope and enters. After standing up, he places his shotgun in the corner and gets warmed up.]

MM: I told ya, he shaved his moustache!

JH: Now the Missouri Wrestling Alliance Ozark Mountain Champion...

[And odd assortment of boos and cheers eminates from the crowd. While Marshall has certainly made no friends in his brief MWA tenure, he seems to be turning a few heads among the masses, most notibly the women. The crowd, now expecting the solmen dirge like beginning to "Mars, The Bringer of War", instead is greated by the upbeat and uprupt intro to Peter Gabriel's smash hit "Sledgehammer". It throws them for a loop, but it doesn't take them long to figure out what it all means.]

## Hey yeah ##
## I know you wanna do that ##

JH: From Logan Lake, British Columbia... he weighs in tonight at two hundred and seventy two pounds... here is "The Harbinger"... LUUUUUKE... MAAARSSSHALLLLLLLLLL!!!

## You could have a steam train ##
## If you just lay down your track ##
## You can have an aeroplane flying ##
## If you bring your blue skys out ##

## All you do is call me ##
## I'll be anything you need ##

[And out he steps. Luke is wearing a pair of black wrestling pants with matching black boots. He wears no shirt, much to the ladies enjoyment, as his broad, muscular chest glistens under the lights thanks to a recent rub down with oil. Around his waist is strapped the Ozark Mountain Championship belt, itself sparkling and gleaming from the light.]

## You could have a big dipper ##
## Going up and down, all around the bends ##
## You could have a bumper car bumping ##
## This amusement never ends ##

[He carries a red handled sledgehammer in his right hand, and has it resting back over his shoulder. A few steps into the arena and he stops, his left hand on his hip, posed like a statue. His Dudley Doorite-esque chin sticking out proudly, he looks like Paul Bunyon with his axe. Surprisingly, the crowd pops and Luke just smiles and begins making his walk down to the ring.]

JK: He's got a sledgehammer! Sweet baby Jesus, we're gonne see some vi-o-lence to-night!

## I wanna be - your SLEDGEHAMMER ##
## Why don't you call my name ##
## Oh let me be - your SLEDGEHAMMER ##
## This will be my testimony ##

[Marshall arrives at ringside and with one fluid motion, reaches around his back with his left hand, unhitches his belt, and peels it from around his waist, handing it to a ringside attendant. He then lifts the sledgehammer high above his head like Thor with his mighty hammer, which of course brings out a loud pop from the crowd. Assault with a deadly weapon - a genuine crowd pleaser. Luke then leans the hammer up against the time keeper's table and slides in under the bottom rope.]

[DING DING DING]

MA: Here we go, in this Ozark Mountain title match.

JK: I don't know why they have me calling this match, who the hell are these guys?

MM: Just forget it Joe, and lets pray this is is over quickly.

MA: Marshall and Smith lock up and immediately Smith is tossed to the mat. He scrambles to his feet and again the two men square off.

JK: YAAAAWWN!

MA: Marshall and Smith lock up again, SMITH ACTS QUICKLY! A knee to gut and quick scoops slam. Smith off of the ropes, he drives a knee into Marshall's chest. Smith gaining the early advantage.

MM: See what I mean?

JK: Yeah, this is...

MA: Would you two shutup!? Smith picks Marshall up...

[SMACK! WHOOOO!!]

MA: Knife edged chop and the crowd reacts accordingly. Smith, whips Marshall into the ropes. BIG lariat! Down goes Marshall again, Smith down to the mat and he has Marshall in an armbar submission.

JK: Now THAT is an exciting move!

[Smith holds the armbar for ahwile until he feel it has done a good job in limiting Marshall's use of his right arm. Smith stands and raises his arms to get the crowd into it.]

MA: Smith has Marshall up...vertical suplex! Smith drops a knee on Marshall's elbow, Daniel Smith taking out "The Harbinger" with surprising technical skill!

[Smith straddles Marshall and gives about five or six nice wallops to the face. He pulls Marshall up, whips him into the ropes and gives him a big time backbreaker...Marshall is stunned and hurting on the mat. Smith stands over him.]

MA: Smith grabs Marshall by the hair and pulls him up...OH! Low blow by Marshall! Smith stumbles back and the champ crawls to the ropes and uses them to stand. Smith, angrily charges at Marshall and nails him with a running double axe handle.

JK: Smith is about as graceful as...

MM: A dog taking a crap?

JK: I was gonna say Mike doing the hula, but yours is less disgusting.

MA: Smith throws Marshall into the corner and charges...MARSHALL DIVES INTO SMITH'S HURT KNEE! Well scouted move by Marshall.

MM: That fat guy? Right there? He does the hula?

JK: Well, it is a bastardized version...but yes he gets those saddle bags waggling pretty good.

MA: Smith stumbles backward, stunned! Marshall to the second rope, he drives his elbow into the knee of Smith, oh Luke Marshall is a ruthless sonuvagun. Marshall up, and drives his down onto Smith's! Daniel Smith is writhing around in agony...I think Marshall is trying to end his career!

JK: I think you are a melodramatic panty waist.

MM: Yeah, panty waist!

MA: Smith is pulled up by Marshall, Marshall kicks him in the gut, swinging neckbreaker!! The Champ up immediately and he stomps the the back of Smith's bad knee mercilessly.

JK: What was wrong with Smith's knee?

MM: I dunno, he hurt it or something.

MA: Smith is struggling to his feet, as Marshall stands a few feet away taunting him. The Champ grabs him throws him into the corner, Marshall charges....BACK TO THE WALL! Smith stumbles forward and Marshall takes him in a headlock...BULLDOG!

JK: Nice combo...

MM: Not bad for a career mid carding nitwit you mean?

JK: Yeah, of course.

MA: Marshall covers!

One....

TWO.....

KICKOUT! Smith isn't going to give up on his shot that easily!

JK: How unfortunate for us.

MA: You probably could have been world champ if you had half of Smith's heart!

JK: Maybe, but I can still kick your sorry ass.

MA: Marshall, whips Smith off of the ropes...BACK BODY DROP! NO WAITI!

[Smith, having sniffed out the move by Marshall, Smith grabs the top rope as he goes over, landing on the apron just behind Marshall. He tries to grab a handful of Luke's hair, but Luke then reaches back over his head and, grabbing Smith by the head, drops down, choking Smith on the top rope and sending him springing back off the apron and back-first onto the floor.]

MA: THESE TWO ARE REALLY WARRING!

JK: Maybe they'll kill eachother outside of the ring...

MA: Marshall, springs over the ropes and comes down HARD on Smith's knee! Marshall a little slow to get up himself.

MM: That's the cost of high risk moves, you hurt yourself too. Good thing for Marshall that Smith can't walk.

MA: Marshall slowly getting to his feet, he strides over to Smith and pulls him up. Belly to back suplex!! Marshall clearing out the padding at the ringide area, nothing but sinister thoughts can be going through his head!

JK: Break his leg!

MM: Screw his leg, break his skull!

JK: Yeah, yours is better!

MA: Marshall drags Smith onto the concrete, he climbs the apron...

JK: DO IT!!

MA: MARSHALL LEAPS!!

[THUD]

MA: SMITH ROLLED AWAY! MARSHALL JUST LANDED ASS FIRST ON THE CONCRETE!

JK: I think he broke his ass.

MA: Smith using the railing to get to his feet, Marshall screaming in pain. Smith is to his feet, he limps over to Marshall and bashes the Champ's face on the exposed cement. Marshall is busted open!

MM: Finally, some blood!

MA: Smith pulls him up and decks him in the face...Marshall stumbles backward and falls onto a chair.

JK: Take a seat Luke!

MA: Smith grabs another chair and...

[THWACK!]

MM: Ouch!

MA: MARSHALL JUST GOT A FACE FULL OF METAL!

[The chair that Marshall was sitting in tips over and he falls to the ground, Smith picks him up and throws him into the guardrail. Marshall stands, exposed, clutching the railing as Smith charges.]

MA: MARSHALL STICKS A LEG UP! SMITH IS DAZED...

JK: What a moron! Keep using the chair!

MA: Marshall has Smith up...vertical suplex, RIGHT ON THE RAILING!!

MM: That must hurt.

JK: I'll say!

MA: Both men are spent...

[And they are too, just laying there. They need to catch their breath for the end here]

MA: Smith is stirring, Marshall using the railing to stand. Marshall is going to the other side of the ring for the sledge hammer!

[Smith is up now too, and he has found himself a nice big aluminum trash can to use. Marshall and Smith make eye contact and Smith charges with the garbage can]

MA: SMITH CHARGING WITH A GARBAGE CAN...

[CRUNCH!!]

MA: OH GOD!!

[That crunching noise you heard was the trash can as it came down and was met by the sledge hammer. Consequently, the can went back and drilled Smith in the face, Smith lay on the mat with his face covered in the blading position...so obviously he is bleeding now also.]

MA: Marshall sets the can on Smith and takes a running start...

[CRUNCH!!]

[Now THAT crunching noise was the trash can being flattened by Luke Marshall's big ass on top of it, on top of Smith. Suddenly the crowd starts to rumble, you know the noise they make when someone is coming? All the fans crane their neck to see...]

[drumroll]

MA: ROADKILL! Roadkill has come ringside and he tackles Marshall from behind!

JK: Who is that?

MM: The former champ...

JK: His name is Roadkill?

MM: Fitting yes?

JK: On many different levels.

MA: Roadkill had the drop on Marshall and now he is beating the Champ with the garbage can!

JK: That can has had it, its perfectly flat now.

MA: Roadkill is being converged on by security...and they are getting him out of here.

[Roadkill breaks free momentraily and dives onto Marshall again, beating on him like no one's business. Roadkill picks him up and gives him a powerbomb through a table. The guards charge onto him and drag him away, the damage is done though. Marshall lay in a heap on the floor.]

MA: Daniel Smith has reached his feet, he limps over to Marshall...remember it is Ozark rules and falls count anywhere. Roadkill falls onto Marshall...

One....

TWO......

[Do you prefer paper bags or plastic bags when you go to the grocery store? I have to say paper, plastic bags rip really easily and you have to hold more of them. PLUS Paper bags are much more sound for the environment. Paper grocery bags all the way baby! What's that? OH THE MATCH! Right, where were we? Two?]

MA: KICKOUT! MARSHALL GETS HIS SHOULER UP AT THE LAST POSSIBLY SECOND!

JK: Smith didn't hook the leg.

MM: Smith is close to being unconscious.

MA: Smith stands and gasps for air, he takes the table leg and bashes Marshall upside the head with it. Smith down and he covers him again...

One...

TWO....

JK: Jesus!

MA: AGAIN MARSHALL GETS A SHOULDER UP! SMITH CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

[Smith smacks his hand on the ground a couple times and stands up looking around, he walks over about five yards and what should he find but the sledgehammer.]

MA: Oh no! What is he going to do with that!?

JK: What do you think moron!

MA: Smith with a running start at Marshall....HE'S GOING TO KILL HIM!!

[THUNK!!]

[That thunking noise was Luke Marshall's nasal cavity making noise as its integrity was violated by the sledge hammer. The sledge hammer inbeds itself into Marshal and we all watch, the crowd silent, Marshall isn't moving unless you count the bits of his brain running down the railing where it stuck.]

[That is one possible outcome to Smith swinging the sledge. Hehehe]

[What REALLY happened you ask?]

MA: MARSHALL MOVES AT THE LAST SECOND! THE SLEDGE HANDLE SHATTERS!

JK: That was some impact to do that.

MA: Marshall picking himself up with the railing, but no! Smith, using the broken part of the sledge handle starts whacking him in the head! Marshall goes down again! Smith throws the handle aside and covers...

One...

TWO....

MA: SHOULDER UP AGAIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

JK: That's a long count!

MA: Danial Smith agrees, he is screaming at Nick Inoki, the HIW referee. Slapping his hands...

MM: Smith is getting hosed here.

MA: He needs to watch out, Marshall is again trying to get to his feet! Smith turns and swings at Marshall who ducks...REVERSE DDT!! BOTH MEN LAY IN A HEAP NEXT TO EACHOTHER!

[And that way they stay for more than a little bit. Marshall stirs first, he crawls resting a hand on Smith's chest, the count is made]

One....

TWO....

MA: SHOULDER UP! Daniel Smith still very much alive! He has really shown me something here today.

JK: This is a little too much too early in this card, crap...

MA: Marshall is up, Smith is almost up....Marshall picks up the table leg and swings! SMITH DUCKS! SMITH TACKLES MARSHALL INTO THE RAILING!! THESE TWO MEN HAVE NOTHING LEFT BUT FIGHTING SPIRIT!

JK: See what I mean about his melodrama?

MM: You think YOU'VE got it bad...

MA: Smith gets control and he is under the ring...he's got a table! He sets Marshall on the table! DEAR GOD! WE'VE SEEN ENOUGH OF THIS!

JK: Speak for yourself puss boy.

MA: Marshall is on the table and Smith is climbing the apron, he is on the top turnbuckle and he launches himself off with a frog splash!!

[CRASH!!]

JK: OH MAN!

MM: COOL!

MA: THE COVER IS MADE!

ONE...

TWO.....

THREEEEEE!!!!

JK: I CAN'T BELIEVE MARSHALL GOT OUT OF THE WAY OF THAT!

MA: MARSHALL RETAINS! IN THE SLIMMEST OF VICTORIES!

[DING DING DING]

Joe Hirono: Ladies and Gentlmen the winner of this match and STILL MWA OZARK MOUNTAIN CHAMPIOOOOON! "The Harbinger" LUUUUUUKE MARSHAAAAAAL!!!

MA: What a match!

JK: Well, it wasn’t bad. Plenty of violent action, which I like.

MM: But there’s more violent action to come as well. In the form of a steel cage match.

MA: Yes, and it was Apparition that was responsible for Astaroth’s SCCW career coming to an end. Well, at least in part.

MM: I love cages, they allow for so much pain.

JK: Gotta agree with you there, Mike.

MA: And there it is folks. The cage which will hold these two men to settle their differences.

MM: Hurry up and get that cage secured! I want blood!

JK: I think they’re almost done.

MA: There is no love loss between these two men, but I wonder if either are even interested in getting out of the cage, Instead of destroying each other.

MM: The cage is set up! Come on there is going to be a lot violence!

JK: I hope that there is a lot of blood!

MA: You two are sick

JK & MM: Shut up!

JH: Annnnd now ladies and gentlemen….

[Lights out.]

JH: He was SCCW’s longest reigning Television Champion ever and is a former SCCW Heavyweight Champion. Standing 6 feet-10 inches tall and weighing in at 302 pounds, he comes to us here tonight representing Hawaii Island Wrestling… Please welcome the newest addition to the HIW payroll… The bringer of punishment… The unstoppable force…

[Cue the red spotlights over the entrance ramp.]

JH: He!! Is!! Asssst-aaaaaaaa-rrroooooooooooooooothh!!

* Ka-Blooom! Ka-Blooom! Ka-Blooom! Ka-Blooom! *

MA: Woo! Those are some pyros!

[As Astaroth steps through the curtain five-feet tall flames shoot up. Two as he steps through and two more as he begins to walk away from the curtain. The punisher is decked out in his normal long black cloak. The hood is over his head but the details are hard to see in the dark. The red spotlight above him follows him as he paces to the ring.]

MA: He isn’t a friendly guy, but he makes one hell of an addition to our roster.

MM: JW Stewsald would make a hell of an addition to that roster.

## Da da da da ##
## Da da da da ##
## Da da da daaaa da da daa ##

[The rhythm is quick and constant as the big man climbs the ringsteps onto the apron. Slowly he walks around and finds the door, he enters the cage With little effort Astaroth pulls the top rope down a tad and steps over. Once in the ring he walks into the center. The spotlights around him become more intense.]

## Da da da da! ##
## Da da da da! ##
## Da da da daaaa! Da da daa! ##

[The song becomes more intense as Astaroth pulls the silk tie from around his waist. The cloak slides off his shoulders onto the mat… Astaroth quickly sweeps it with his foot, forcing it down onto the floor. Astaroth stands silent in the middle of the ring, wearing his black suit; pants, and a tanktop cut off at the shoulders, the burning pentagram in the middle of the top. The three or four red spotlights become one, the music stops. The spotlights now fade out… The arena is totally dark. Astaroth’s voice:]

"You will receive your PUUUUNISHMEEEENNT!!!"

[And now all at once the lights come on.]

KH: And now introducing his opponent, Appparrriiittttiiioonn!!!!

[Then, there was a sudden burst of light. The fans are all of a sudden were blinded for a few seconds... The bright light disappears and smoke begins to fill the arena. Astaroth, especially, is covered in the smoke. As the smoke continues to grow, Bach's Little fugue in G minor begins to play throughout the arena. The fans look at each other with much confusion.]

[The smoke begins to diffuse and standing inside the cage is Apparition!]

JK: Whoah! Apparition is not waiting for a second! He is laying into Astaroth!

MM: Astaroth just tosses the smaller Appy off of him and into the cage and begins laying some real shots on Appy’s face!

MA: Astaroth goes to take off Appy’s head with a big swing, but Appy moves out of the way and Astaroth’s hand just hit the cage!

JK: What a loser he hit the cage!

MM: Appy now grabs Astaroth and whips him into the ropes. Astaroth comes flying back, but is met with a standing drop kick! Astaroth didn’t go down! He’s still up but woozy!

MA: Appy does another standing drop kick and Astaroth still doesn’t go down!

JK: Appy not backing up and runs against the ropes he goes for a flying cross-body block, but Asty catches him in mid air!

MM: This isn’t going to be good for Appy! Asty turns Appy against the cage and rams him into it. That has got to hurt Appy’s back!… Oh well!

MA: Appy is now down and seems to be in a lot of pain. This could be a could time to escape from the cage.

JK: You kidding! Asty wants some major revenge here! He looks like he wants to kill Appy and get some pay back!

MM: Asty now picking up Appy. He lifts him up and has him in a bear hug!

MA: He is trying to squeeze the life out of Appy. This is a smart move to ware down that little man.

JK: No this is boring! Come Asty rips his head off and then eat or something. Make this interesting!

MM: BORING! BORING! BORING!

MA: Appy trying to get out of this, but Asty is applying more and more pressure each time he tries to get free. Oh wait look at Appy!

JK: Appy using his palms to smack Asty in the ear!

MM: Finally Asty lets go of Appy and Appy runs to the ropes.

MA: Asty goes for a boot to the face, but Appy ducks underneath of it and hits a drop kick right to Asty’s leg!

OUCH!

JK: Asty is now rolling around in pain on the mat. Appy now dragging Asty to the ropes.

MM: Wait a second what is Appy doing?

MA: Appy places Asty’s right leg on the bottom rope. Appy jumps up and…

OUCH!

JK: Lands right on Asty’s bad leg! Asty is now rolling around in pain that must have hurt a lot!

MM: Appy now picking up Asty and has Asty by his right leg. Damn! Appy just did a dragon screw leg whip to Asty’s leg.

MA: Asty really wants to get rid of all the evil in this world!

JK: Now that was corny you loser!

MM: Appy has Asty’s leg and he wraps his legs around Asty’s right leg.

MA: He has a grapevine on Asty’s right leg. Appy knows what he wants to take out know and this can not be any good for Astaroth!

MM: You think you idiot?!?!

JK: Yeah!

MA: Can you guys stop picking on me?

MM: No!

JK: Hell no!

MA: Damn it!

MM: Anyway back to this match. Appy finally lets go of the grapevine and is stomping away on Asty’s leg. It looks like Appy is going to end this thing now!

JK: He begins to walk over to the door. I think he might end this here.

MA: No look here comes Astaroth from behind!

MM: He grabs Apparition’s hair and just planned Apparition with a reverse DDT and the ref outside the ring shuts the door shut.

JK: Astaroth now picks up Apparition and puts him on his shoulder. What is he going to do? Astaroth with his bad knee begins to run at the cage and tosses Apparition at the cage!

DAMN!

MA: Astaroth just fell to the ground as he is still in pain. Apparition is lying on the ground holding his face.

MM: Astaroth now crawling over to where Appy is and begins to choke him!

JK: Look at Apparition’s face!?!?!

MA: He is busted wide open and this can’t be good for Appy’s chances!

MM: All I can say is… sucks to be Apparition! HA! HA! HA!

JK: Astaroth still on top of Apparition and continues to choke the life out of him! Apparition can’t seem to get out of this choke hold.

MA: Look at his face it is turning blue!

MM: I know isn’t it great!

MA: You’re sick man!

MM: Not really.

JK: Apparition trying to get out desperately… OH MY GAWD! He just crushed Astaroth’s jimmy! That has got to hurt just a bit!

MA: Apparition finally recovering some air back. Apparition takes his right hand and wipes the blood gushing from his face. Oh he doesn’t look very happy now!

MM: He walks over to Astaroth and picks him up by his hair.

JK: Apparition has turned into an animal here and begins to bash Astaroth’s head into the steel cage!

MM: Apparition does it one last time and Astaroth goes down to the mat in a bloody mess. Both men are bleeding like some one just decapitated them!

MA: That was almost a good use of a simile!

MM: Hey… can I kill you?

MA: No… leave me alone!

JK: Children act your age civilized!

MM: Ok… your lucky fat boy!

MA: I know!

JK: Back to the match it seems that Apparition isn’t going to try and climb out cage instead of walking out of the door… What an idiot!

MM: Apparition is about half way up and Astaroth is beginning to regain his conscious!

MA: Apparition is almost at the top, but Astaroth is on his feet!

JK: Look at this Astaroth grabs Apparition and won’t let go of him! Astaroth begins to climb up to up the cage still holding onto Apparition!

MM: Astaroth now where Apparition is.

MA: Astaroth grabs Apparition by the throat. And Apparition is trying to punch him off but I don’t think it is going to work and get him off of him!

JK: Astaroth has this evil look on his face. Oh boy this is going to be good.

MM: He uses the ropes to balance himself and…. A CHOKELSLAM OFF THE TOP OF THE DAMN ROPES! Apparition just has got to be dead now!

MA: Astaroth just wiped some blood off of his face and now is licking it off of his hand.

JK: Ok I am just making it offical right now Astaroth is the devil. Once again Astaroth is the devil a.k.a. satan. Thank you.

MM: I think Astaroth is going to put the final touches on Apparition...

MA: Astaroth puts Appy on the top turnbuckle, Astaroth climbs up with him, POWERBOMB!!! OFF THE TOP ROPE!

JK: Oooh, did you see his head bounce off the canvas?

MM: Astaroth is walking towards the door...it looks like he is going to win it! The ref on the outside opens the door. Astaroth begins to walk out.

MA: HE IS OUT ON THE STEPS! ALL HE HAS TO DO IS JUMP OFF AND HE WINS!

JK: NOOOO! Apparition is at the door... He has Astaroth by the ear!

MM: Astaroth turns around and swings at Apparition! Appy ducks and kicks Astaroth in the stomach and SUPLEX BACK INTO THE RING! APPARITION PULLS ASTAROTH TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!

MA: NO! Apparition is walking out of the ring!

JK: I don't think so! Apparition is beginning to climb on the outside of the ring!

MM: What is that moron doing? He could've won!

MA: Apparition said this is more about cleansing the evil than winning a match! Apparition is up on top and OH MY GOD!

JK: A FROG SPLASH FROM ATOP OF THE CAGE! I THINK HE JUST KILLED ASTAROTH!

MM: YOU BASTARD!!!

MA: Both men are down on the mat and seem to be in a lot of pain!

JK: Well, I think it is official that these two men are both down and dead.

MM: You could say that. These two men have put each other in more painful and risky moves...

MA: Astaroth is moving...

JK: So is Apparition now...

MM: Astaroth makes it to his feet first...

MA: Astaroth delivers a vicious blow to the back Apparition. Apparition is at the mercy of this monster!

JK: He is not a monster... He is a man, just like you and me...

MM: I seriously doubt that. Astaroth picks Apparition up by the mask and HEAVES HIM FACE FIRST INTO THE CAGE!

MA: Whoah, that white mask of Apparition is all Pink...

JK: I didn't think you could bleed in a mask...

MM: Ah oh well he looks better in blood!

MA: I don’t know about that this match seems to be getting a little out of control!

JK: What the hell are you talking about I haven’t seen enough violence yet!

MM: Yeah I haven’t seen enough either!

MA: Whatever.

MM: Astaroth is in control here. Apparition is on the mat and is still in pain.

JK: What the hell is Astaroth doing?

MA: He begins to climb up to the top rope. I don’t know if this is a smart move! If he screws up he is going to be in a lot of pain.

MM: Astaroth is up top, but wait Apparition is up!

JK: Apparition runs to the ropes and Astaroth lands hard on the turnbuckle where the sun don’t shine!

MA: Apparition is going up the turnbuckle! Now what is he going to do?!?!

MM: He signals for something and…

JK: HURRICAN-APPY! Now I will give some credit here… this match has kicked some serious ass!

MA: Yes it has.

JK: Don’t copy off of me!

MM: Yeah don’t copy off of him!

JK: Back to the damn match. Apparition is finally doing something smart and heading for the door and Astaroth is crawling after him.

MA: Apparition is right at the door, but Astaroth has the door in his hand.

MM: Apparition is about to take a step out and Astaroth just slammed the door on Apparition! Damn his mask is turning colors all the time!

JK: Hey his mask looks like a puss color now!

MA: That is just plain sick and disgusting…

MM: Yeah, but it is very true!

JK: Exactly my point!

MA: Can we stop getting off the match?!?!

MM: No!

JK: Astaroth getting up and picking up the the puss & blood covered Apparition!

MA: Astaroth has him set up for a powerbomb! Will Apparition have enough power to get out of this?

MM: He lifts Appy up… Looks like Appy is fighting it off… Wait… no!

JK: Astaroth just fell backwards and let Apparition’s neck land on the top rope!!! He is now rolling on the mat trying to get some oxygen!

MA: Both men down, looking to get some air in their lungs. Trying to get that final effort and make it out of there.

MM: This match has had everything. Blood, violence, and more violence.

JK: Astaroth is up, and looking better, but apparition is still down. And Astaroth begins the climb.

MA: Astaroth climbing steadily up the cage, while Apparition is only now staring to stir.

MM: No! Don’t leave. You haven’t beaten on him enough yet!

JK: Astaroth could pay for this. Let’s hope so.

MA: You two sicken me. Astaroth is at the top of the cage…

MM: NO! Apparition is up, and has Astaroth’s foot. Now Apparition is climbing…

JK: Apparition standing on the top rope, and pulling the former SCCW champion back down…

MA: NO! Apparition has him for a….

[Crash!]

MM: Tremendous slam from Apparition, and Astaroth just hit the floor hard.

JK: But Apparition looks shaky…

MA: OH! That had to hurt. Apparition, with the beating that he has taken in this match, couldn’t keep his footing on that top rope. Appariton is straddled on the top, as Astaroth is just barely able to get to his feet after that huge impact from the top of the cage.

MM: Astaroth working his way over to apparition, who is starting to climb.

JK: Astaroth pulls Apparition to the canvas, and hooks him. Suplex maybe?

MA: JACKHAMMER! Right in the middle of the ring! And that impact shook the ring.

MM: How much more can these two take?

JK: I hope they can take even more than that.

MA: Astaroth now starting his climb. But he won’t make it. Apparition, believe it or not, didn’t seem that phased by the Jackhammer, and is back up on his feet!

MM: Astaroth has seen it! He leaps!!!!!!!

[CRASH!]

JK: GOOD LORD!

MA: What a move! Apparition managed to catch Astaroth in mid air, and absolutely planted the HIW newcomer with an incredible powerslam! That move shook the whole ring. Cage and all.

MM: I haven’t seen impact like that since I was in the ring!

JK: I’ve heard that before, Mike.

MA: Apparition to his feet now, and beginning that climb. But he still seems a little shaky.

MM: Still no movement from Astaroth.

JK: Apparition looks like he has this thing won.

MA: Apparition reaches the top of the cage. And now he turns, about to start his descent.

MM: There he… WHAT!?!

JK: He’s not climbing down! He’s looking for some kind of high risk manoeuvre.

MA: Apparition lines up…. HE LEAPS!!!!!!

[CRASH!]

MM: Astaroth moved! Astaroth got out of the way!

JK: And Apparition got nothing but mat. And now both men are down, and they don’t seem to be in any condition to climb up and out of the cage.

MA: And Astaroth is beginning to stir. But even that movement is tiny.

MM: Still nothing from Apparition.

JK: Astaroth working his way to his feet. Although it’s one hell of a struggle right here.

MA: The former SCCW Champion now. Working his way to the side of the cage, and slowly, slowly inching his way up there.

MM: And STILL nothing from Apparition. No, correction, he appears to be trying to get up.

JK: But he’s not going to make it. Astaroth is now nearly at the top of the cage…

MA: Astaroth is almost there. But Apparition is on his feet. Can he make it?

MM: Astaroth is at the top of the cage. He’s going to get out.

JK: Apparition with a despairing leap…

MA: HE CAUGHT HIM! He has Astaroth by the head, and Astaroth is trying to drop!

MM: Astaroth is almost hanging himself there.

JK: Now Apparition is climbing…

MA: Both men now, at the top of the cage, duking it out. Astaroth with a right, now Apparition….

MM: Astaroth swings again. But Apparition ducks it! He has the former SCCW champion hooked!

JK: HE’S GOING TO SUPLEX HIM FROM THE TOP!!!

MA: NO!!!!!!!

MM: YES!!!!!!!!!!

[BOOM!]

MA: GOOD LORD! THEY WENT THROUGH THE RING!

MM: Shoddy HIW workmanship.

JK: Wasn’t it the MWA staff that built that ring?

MA: Will you two quit it? Concentrate on the most important point. Two men, as gothic as they may be, they are human men, just went from the top of that cage, and went clear through the ring.

MM: They may have killed one another.

JK: You think?

MA: Stop it. The pair of you! Those two human beings are in trouble right now. The medical teams are coming out here, and the cage is being lifted to the roof.

MM: Damn. They must have fallen about twenty feet before going through that ring. And that’s not just wood and canvas.

JK: No, there’s metal at the base of it too. And they went clean through that.

MA: The Medical staff are trying to get at those two guys right now. They are somewhere underneath that ring, along with all the spare equipment.

MM: I suppose it’s times like this where that stuff is needed. They’re gonna have to rebuild at least part of that ring now.

JK: What do you think those guys look like under there right now?

MM: I don’t know, but I’ll lay odds that it’s a bloody mess.

MA: Will you two grow up? For the love of God. Those guys are hurt, and hurt badly.

MM: Hey, Who won?

JK: I think it’s a draw. Mind, I don’t think either of them will care.

MA: Finally, the medical team have them on the stretchers. But they don’t seem to be in too bad a condition. After all, they could be much worse.

MM: I’d hate to leave my life in the hands of Mexican Doctors.

JK: Ooo. That could be worse than the fall.

MA: Folks, we’re going to take a break while the crew fix the ring.

[Cut to a commercial for Civil War ’99. See Shawn "Bullseye" Arrows get his shot at the NWC World Heavyweight Title. And 12 men battle it out in the Civil Wargames in the infamous Civil War double cage! Only on NWC Pay Per View. Order now, and get a discount price of $24.95 (Regular Price $29.95)]

MA: Now it's for a very special match-up. This is the very first match in the Al Lucente Memorial Tag Team Tournament. This tourney features the top teams from all over the National Wrestling Council and is bound to provide us with some of great action. And we're privileged to bring you the first match of that tournament here tonight as the GCW Tag Team Champions, from the TTF Syndicate, Jex and Scott "Angel" Sloane take on the GSW Tag Champs, Lance and Chaz Wilder, better known as Obsession Inc.

MM: What a bunch of fruitcakes.

JK: Here here. We don't have any whackos like this in HIW, I guarantee you that.

MM: That's cause you don't have -anybody- in HIW.Who's your champ now? Chester?

JK: Put a sock in it Masters.

MA: Gentlemen, please! What do you think about the attack earlier on the TTF Syndicate. Two masked men jumped Jex and Sloane in the back.

MM: Two masked men who looked surprisingly like the Wilder Brothers.

JK: Hey! You have no proof of that.

MM: What do you care? It's not like they're HIW guys.

JK: I don't care. I just like disagreeing with you.

MA: Let's go to the ring for the introductions, shall we?

[Joe Hirono stands in the center of the ring looking dapper as ever. This is the biggest cross promotionalPay Per View in the history of the NWC after all.]

JH: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome at this time in this first round match of the Al Lucente Tag Team Tournament. They weigh in at a combined five hundred and forty four pounds and represent Georgia Championship Wrestling. Please give a warm welcome toJex and Scott Sloane, TEEEEAAAAAMMMMM T…T…F!

[The lights predictably dim and the initials TTF are projected just about everywhere on the ring, on theDevil-Tron, on the arena fans, even some cheap pyro's spell out our favorite acronym. The curtains ruffle and Scott Sloane is led out by a couple of burly nurses down to ringside. He's emblazoned in his corporate sponsors logo's looking bizarrely out of place in a black singlet with the slogan 'Team TTF' along the front and 'The Syn is in' on the back. His eyes and face are blank nobodies home it would seem after the lobotomy.]

[Closely following behind is Jex who is wearing a pair of black tights with light green stripes down the side of them. He is wearing no shirt, and a pair of black wrestling boots. His eyes are focused on the ring, and nothing else.]

[Team TTF hit the ring. Jex immediately starts stretching while Sloane just stands there and waits for the bell.]JH: And their opponents ..

[The fans are getting ready, getting ready to boo the champions of the Bay Area. Suddenly, an unfamiliar female voice plays over the PA.]

Female Voice: The TTF Syndicate .. HA .. what a joke. All of these Mexican "people" know who the greatest team here at Where Heaven and Hell Collide is. And here they are .. the Bay Area Bad Boys .. Golden State's Dynamic Duo .. and damnit, the men who make all the ladies' have wet dreams at night .. the reigning Golden State Tag Team Champions .. "Loverman" Lance Wilder and "Chick Magnet" Chaz Wilder .. OBSESSION INC.!!

[That song which has become synonymous with greatness, "Perfection Personified" by Galahaad plays as the fans nearly shake Olympic Stadium with boos. The Video Wall shows a pair of lips, then slowly, letter by letter, OBSESSION INC. appears.]

[As the fans boo wildly, the older brother of the duo, Lance Wilder steps out from behind the curtain. He wears a pair of red trunks with silver flares running up them. The kneepads have the same design and he wears black boots with silver and red fringe. He has his wrists taped with white tape and some black elbow pads. Slung over his left shoulder is his Golden State tag strap and he holds a bottle of water in his right. He takes a drink, then dumps the rest on his flowing brownish blonde locks and tosses the bottle into the crowd. He turns, and points towards the curtain ..]

[Olympic Stadium begins to erupt in boos as the younger half of the GSW Dynamic Duo appears on the entrance ramp. Dressed in his stunning black with green flares running up the pant legs is the "Chick Magnet" Chaz Wilder. Chaz of course is wearing the black with lime green flares up the legs pants with the word Chick Magnet on the butt. No shirt is on the Magnet because when you're built like this man you don't wear a shirt. Chaz has in his left hand a bottle of Naya water that he doesn't even sip he just dumps on the head of some young fan in the front row. Chaz then runs his hands through his killer blond hair and flashes a smile to a Spanish women wearing a tight red dress in the front row. The women faints right there and Chaz just smiles. Over his right shoulder is the GSW Tag Team Strap which he pats and then walks over to his brother and the two high five.]

[Chaz and Lance proceed to the ring as the patrons of Olympic Stadium continue to boo the Bay Area Bad Boys.]

MA: This is going to be one interesting match-up.

MM: Let's just hope none of these guys embarrass themselves. I'll be honest, I don't know why we have to have these losers from the lower half of the NWC on one of OUR pay-per-views.

JK: Damn straight. They're bringing down the overall quality of out product. It's a sham!

MA: So much for being one big happy family.

[DING! DING! DING!]

MA: It looks like Lance Wilder will start for Obsession Inc, while it's Jex for the Syndicate.

MM: Let's see if Chaz is still feeling the affects of that concussion.

JK: What concussion?

MM: The concussion he got at the hands of X-Factor last week on RAGE!! Do your homework, you fat slob.

JK: Why you little-

MA: COLLAR AND ELBOW TIE-UP! OH MY GOD!

MM: What are you screaming for?

MA: I DON'T KNOW!

MM: Is he always like this?

JK: I'm not talking to you.

MM: Hmm. This is my lucky day.

MA: Jex and Lance Wilder lock up.

JK: Rake to the eyes by Lance. What a move!

MA: What a move? Yeah, too bad it's illegal.

JK: Only if you get caught.

MM: Lance Wilder sends Jex to the ropes...

MA: Drop Toe hold by Lance Wilder. Now he puts on an ankle lock!

JK: What a series of moves. These OI guys are pretty quick.

MM: What's got into you all of the sudden? A minute ago you hated them.

MA: Wilder in control here as Jex pounds on the mat. He's really feeling it.

MM: Technically, isn't he tapping out?

JK: GAME OVER! NEXT MATCH!

MA: Um, no. He's not really tapping.

JK: Well he should be. These guys are clogging up valuable air time. HIW air time.

MM: For God's sake - PICK A STANCE! You either hate them or you don't!

MA: A break in the hold now as Lance drops the ankle lock and grabs Jex by a handful of dreadlocks.

MM: A little anti-rasta.

JK: WHAT?! ANTI-PASTA?! WHERE?!

MM: Easy, dough boy. I was making a joke. Here, chew on this for awhile.

JK: Thanks.

*munch crackle smack*

MA: Irish whip into the corner by Lance Wilder and Jex bounces off the turnbuckle hard.

JK: This is pretty good. What is it?

MM: Beats me. I found it stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

JK: *GAAACK*

MA: Chaz Wilder sliding down the apron... he's climbing the post!

MM: LOOK OUT!

MA: Chaz from off the turnbuckle comes off grabbing Jex's head and there is a BIG BULLDOG!!!

MM: Nice teamwork by Chaz, and now Lance picking up Jex by the back of the head and wrapping him up in a tight bearhug.

JK: Yuck. You're a jerk, Masters.

MM: And proudly so.

MA: Lance holding Jex up.

JK: So what's going on? Ooh, this could be cool!

MA: Wilder hoisting Jex up on his shoulders and... oh boy!! Look out below!!

[Chaz Wilder jumps off the top turnbuckle once again, but this time he connects with a clothesline knocking Jex off Lance and down to the mat hard.]

MA: What teamwork by the GSW Tag Champions..

JK: Meanwhile, Sloane is standing on apron like a zombie. What's got into him?

MM: He had a lobotomy, tons of fun. Now he thinks like you.

JK: Hey!

MA: I guess they're calling that an official tag a snow Chaz is the ring.

JK: And what's with Jex's eyes? He looks high.

MM: He's got an adrenaline problem. Jesus, don't you Hawaii boys do any research before you call a match?

JK: Hey, it took me all week just to find a decent Mexican restaurant that didn't give me the sh-

MA: SIDE HEADLOCK BY CHAZ!

MM: There he goes again. You need to calm down, Akaye. You're gonna pop a vessel.

MA: Chaz Wilder has Jex on the mat, grinding in that headlock, and the adrenaline filled Jex is in a world of hurt right now.

MM: Hey, Lance just shouted something to Chaz and now Lance is climbing the turnbuckle.

JK: Chaz is picking up Jex. I think I know what is coming!!

MM: Calm down, you're gonna wet yourself.

MA: Chaz Wilder now picking up Lance who is standing on the top turnbuckle. Oh no!!

MM: HERE IT COMES!!

MA: MY GOD!! LANCE WILDER WITH A SUPERPOWERBOMB OFFTHE TOP!!

MM: That's the Heart Attack!!

JK: What an AWESOME move!! These guys are incredible!!!

MM: FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, WOULD YOU MAKE UP YOURMIND!!!

MA: Lance for the pin!

JK: But he's not the legal man.

ONE!

TWO!!

MA: NO! Just two as Jex kicks out at the last second. He desperately needs to make a tag.

MM: Gee... ya think?

JK: Not if he can help it.

MA: Lance now has Jex on his feet... he whips him off the ropes...

MM: Clothesline by Jex!

JK: Where did that come from?

MA: Jex with a sudden surge of energy and he just nailed Lance with that flying lariat! Now he's down on his knees just hammering away with his right hand.

MM: Look at that boy go.

JK: Where's he getting it from?

MM: I told you, chubs, he's got an adrenaline problem. Would you pay attention please.

MA: Chaz now coming in... and Sloane is still standing like a robot on the apron.

MM: Jex with a sudden mule kick! OOH! How's your package, Chaz?

JK: Mommy.

MA: Jex is a house of fire. He picks up Chaz... bodyslam!

MM: Now he's got Lance up... sidewalk slam! MA: He reaches over and yes! Makes the tag to Sloane!

JK: Why would he tag in Sloane? He looks like he's about ready to fall asleep.

MA: Wheel barrow pick-up by Jex. Sloane grabs Lance by the neck and...

MM: GOOD GAWD!

JK: AWESOME!

MA: A combination inverted powerbomb / diamond cutter by the TTF Syndicate! Lance is down!

MM: That was doubly painful.

MA: Sloane the legal man in now and he goes to work on Lance Wilder. Both men up... knife edge chop!

[WHOOO!]

MA: And another!

[WHOOO!]

MM: Listen to those chops by Sloane. Wilder's gonna have a mark on his chest longer than the streaks in your underwear, Joe.

JK: Naw, they couldn't be that long... HEY!

MA: DDT! Evenflow DDT by Sloane!

MM: Say Goodnight.

MA: Sloane with the cover!

ONE!

TWO!!

THR-

JK: NO!

MA: Chaz in to break the count!

JK: I gotta say, Obsession Inc. sure do work well together as a team.

MM: That's because their brothers, jackass.

JK: Really?

MA: Scott Sloane to the top rope now. It looks like he wants to go for the shooting star frogsplash.

MM: The what?

MA: He leaps... OOH! The Loverman gets his knees up. Sloane could have broke a rib on that one, Joe.

JK: Well that's why they call them high risk maneuvers, stupid.

MA: And another turn in the action. What's going onon the outside?

MM: Things are about to become interesting.

JK: I guess Jex isn't satisfied with the action in the ring.

MA: Jex off the apron and... he's got a chair! He's going to knock Chaz Wilder's head off!

MM: Now wouldn't THAT be cool.

MA: Jex winds up with that chair and... NO! Wilder ducks!

JK: OH!!

MM: What the?!?!

MA: Out of nowhere comes Lance Wilder with a leaping suicide plancha! He leaped over the top rope and drove his shoulder right into the chair!

MM: Jex is bummin. First the chair hit his face, then his head bounced of the floor. Ouch.

JK: That was the coolest! Obsession Inc for life!

MM: Here we go again.

MA: But that took a lot out of both men. Chaz at his brother's side, and now he's trying to get him up to his feet and back into the ring.

JK: Look out!

MM: Baseball slide!

MA: Sloane sends the Wilder brothers flying back into the guardrail!

JK: This is great! I love it when they start getting violent.

MA: Sloane to the outside as well and uses a double clothesline to send both men over the barrier and into the front row.

MM: Looks like Jex has finally come to.

JK: Must be that adrenaline thingy you were talking about.

MA: As Chaz gets to his feet he's met by a roundhouse right by Sloane.

MM: But a right by Chaz!

MA: And then another by Sloane!

MM: And a counter by Chaz!

MA: Sloane!

MM: Chaz!

MA: Sloane!

MM: Chaz!

JK: Stop! I'm getting dizzy.

MA: Sloane with a quick fireman's pick-up and now he slams Chaz into the corner of the ring apron.

MM: Time for TTF to show some teamwork.

MA: Sloane rolls Chaz into the ring and slides inafter him.

JK: What's Jex doing?

MA: Jex climbing the ring post as Sloane slaps on a bow and arrow submission.

JK: He's a awfully big man to attempt to fly.

MA: Oh, my! Jex leaps and hits an incredible senton bomb on the exposed stomach of Wilder trapped in that bow and arrow submission.

MM: Yeah, but how smart was that? He could've broke Sloane's legs.

MA: But Chaz may be done for! Jex going for a pin...

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

JK: NO! NO! NO! NO! He kicked out!

MM: Take it easy!

MA: Last minute kick-out by Chaz. And now Lance is up on the apron as well.

JK: Yeah... and he's about to come in the hard way.

MA: Sloane yanks forward on the tope rope and slingshots Lance right into the ring!

MM: It's all TTF Syndicate at this point, gang.

MA: Now Jex locks the Loverman in a Texas cloverleaf while Sloane applies a crippler crossface. Oh my God! They're wrenching the man apart!

JK: Has anybody else noticed that Sloane looks a lot more focused now that he's actually IN the ring?

MM: You're a clever one, aren't ya?

MA: Chaz with a boot to the back of Sloane! They forgot all about Chaz and now they're paying the price.

MM: He's furious! Look at him kicking at Sloane!

JK: Be careful of Jex though.

MA: Jex released Lance from the cloverleaf and now he's coming up on Chaz from behind!

MM: Double axe-handle across the back!

JK: Lance is crawling off into the corner trying to catch his breath.

MA: And Sloane rolls to the outside to catch his as well.

MM: Meanwhile, Jex is making a meal out of Chaz. Lefts! Rights! Kicks! It's all Jex!

JK: Sloane's got a mic chord!

MA: He slides back into the ring and goes over to where Lance is resting.

JK: TURN AROUND LANCE!

MM: SLOANE IS CHOKING LANCE WITH THE CABLE!

MA: Rake of the eyes by Chaz. That finally put an end to Jex's assault.

JK: Ouch. That stings.

MM: And then a low blow! That'll keep Jex out of commission for awhile.

MA: Now Chaz is staggering over to wear Sloane is choking his brother out.

MM: BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX!

JK: This is pandemonium! The ref lost control of this one a long time ago.

MM: Thanks for the scoop.

MA: Lance going up top. He's gonna perch himself on the top of the turnbuckle.

JK: I wonder what they have in mind?

MA: Jex is up! He charges at Chaz!

[WHOOO!]

MA: But he's immediately put down by a wicked chop from Chaz Wilder.

JK: Now Chaz is climbing up the buckle. It looks like Obsession Inc. are gonna try for some combination maneuver on the fallen Jex.

MM: Lance hooks Chaz in a front face lock.

MA: Wait! Sloane puts Chaz on his shoulders and falls backward.

* BOOM *

MM: Oh my!

MA: That made Chaz superplex Lance from the top!MM: What a devastating maneuver!

[Lance clutches his back as he sits up and Jex chargesoff the ropes and dropkicks him right in the face.]

MM: Ahh .. Wilder got that right in the kisser.

JK: They aren't done. Sloane then climbs up to the top rope and Jex slingshots him off, landing across the chest of Chaz.

MA: The tides have turned! Jex and Sloane are really pouring it on here!

MM: Both men with a pin!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

JK: NO! NO!

MM: How in the?!?!

MA: Both Chaz and Lance with a foot on the rope! Unbelievable sense by both members of Obsession Inc.!

MM: But how much more can they take?

MA: Sloane down grinding a knee into the throat of Lance. Jex to his feet and he's scooping Chaz up for a piledriver.

MM: Chaz is just being destroyed in that ring right now...

[Suddenly the camera pans to the entrance ramp where two masked men are standing. Yes, those masked men...the ones from the attack on the TTF Syndicate earlier.]

JK: I KNEW IT!! I KNEW YOU WERE WRONG MASTERS!! YOU ARROGANT PRICK!!

MM: I don't believe it... those two masked men...they're coming to the ring.

MA: What the hell is going on here.

JK: I don't know but Jex has been distracted!

[The bigger of the two men, the one with the cane, is in the lead, and he walks down to the ring apron and begins yelling something into the ring at Jex. The smaller of the two is walking around to the side of the ring where Scott Sloane is and he begins talking smack to Sloane. Our camera sees Chaz begin to get to his feet and Lance is climbing the turnbuckle.]

MM: Chaz is up!! Jex doesn't even see him... OH YEAH!!

MA: Chaz Wilder grabs Jex and Irish Whips him into the corner that Lance is standing on. What balance by Lance to stay on the top turnbuckle and look! Lance jumps from the turnbuckle and grabs Jex in an INVERTEDBULLDOG!!!

MM: PICTURE PERFECT!!!

JK: The smaller masked man just took out The Col. And the Doctor. Scott Sloane is distracted by the masked man...LANCE HAS A PIN!!

ONE!!!!

TWO!!!!!

HERE COMES SLOANE!!

THREEEEEE!!!!!

HE'S TOO LATE!!

[DING! DING! DING!]

JK: THEY DID IT!

JH: The winners of this match... representing golden state wrestling... OBSESSION INC!!!!!!!!

MA: I don't believe it... here comes Scott Sloane... Chaz and Lance roll out of the ring the victors. Lance has a mic as he high fives the two masked men and Chaz.

JK: THIS IS GREAT!!!

MM: What is going on?

[Lance Wilder has a mic in his hand as "Perfection Personified" cues up. However the sound of boos subside as the people wait for Lance to speak.]

Lance Wilder: Well now you people believe us huh? All you Mexican idiots now see that when you're messin' with obsession, you're messin' with perfection! And now allow me to introduce to you..

[The smaller of the two men unties his mask and pullsthe black mask off his head..]

Lance Wilder: LOVERMAN 2!! THAT'S RIGHT...SCCW's OWN WILDE TANKE!!!

[The Mexican City people unleash a chorus of boos as "Loverman II" Wilde Tanke holds his arms up in victory. He has this look of accomplishment on his face as the mic is handed to Chaz Wilder.]

MA: IMPOSSIBLE!

MM: But... but... Lance and Chaz turned on Wilde Tanke last night on RAGE!!

MA: How can this be?

JK: Is was a swerve you two morons. I knew it all along. HA! How about YOU start doing YOUR homework, Masters!

Chaz Wilder: So I guess we proved our point tonight huh TTF? No lobotomy or amount of adrenaline will remove this one from your minds... tonight Obsession Inc. has proven that we have what it takes to become NWC WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... Oh and if you were wondering.... this here... its...

[The second man, the one with the cane, pulls his maskoff of his head.]

Chaz Wilder: THE NWC ROLE MODEL!!! RICH THOMAS!!!!!!!

[The crowd begin to boo as the original Obsession Inc. member "Role Model" Rich Thomas holds his cane up still recovering from his surgery and career ending injury. On the entrance platform Rich Thomas, Wilde Tanke, Lance Wilder, and Chaz Wilder all stand with big grins on their faces.]

Chaz Wilder: Demigods.....Zero Gravity... take heed... TTF didn't believe us but when you're messin' with Obsession you're messin' with perfection!!!

[Chaz throws the mic down as Obsession Inc. with Rich Thomas and Wilde Tanke walk off the entrance platform and back toward their locker room.]

MA: So the first team to advance in the Al Lucente Tag Team Tournament is GSW's Dynamic Duo...

MM: The Bay Area Bombers..

MM: The Wilder Brothers...

JK: Obsession Inc...

MA: And Team TTF is none to happy with being out this early.

[Larry Higgins makes his way down and joins the announce team.]

Ring Announcer: Coming down to the ring first. He comes in from San Diego,

California. He weighs in at 224lbs and stands in at 6' tall. He is the

current MWA Cruiserweight Champion and a former NWC J-Crown Champion. He is

the one, the only "BAD BOY" BBBOOOBBBBBBYYY PPPPOOOOLLLLOOOO!!!

[Before the music even begins to play you hear Bobby's voice over the loudspeaker.]

Bobby Polo(BP): Hello everyone!

[Most of the fans in the crowd cheer very heavily.]

BP: Tonight isn't like every other night I get a victory. Tonight I will prove, for the second time, that I am the best cruiserweight in the NWC. Now you see tonight's challenge should be a little harder then the last time I won the gold, but I still don't expect it to be too hard. Doman seems to be a little better wrestler then bums I have beaten up before. So I will not... and I promise that I will not embarrass him as badly as all the other pathetic bastards I've beaten up before.

BP: I have to suprises for all of you today. The first one is that I will be accompanied down to the ring by a very good friend of mine. He is the one, the only "The Slayer" Shawn Kowalski!

[The fans errupt in cheers.]

BP: Now I will continue talking when I get to the ring. But I will not be coming down to the ring to "Got The Life" by Korn tonight. I am coming down to another hit song by the Midgets in Black. There last song was just so damn popular I have decided to keep the ball rolling. So here I come. I present to you "Livin La Vida Polo" by the Midgets in Black.

[The music begins to blare as two gorgeous women come out from behind the entrance. They both have short black skirts on. They begin to dance as the MIB come out from behind the curtains with sombraros on their heads.]

MIB:1 ##He's into Championships

Black belts and tons of girls

I feel a premonition

That guy’s gonna win some more

He's got a new addiction

For every day and night

He'll make you tap out and scream in pain

He'll make you live a crazy life

But he'll make you feel a lot of pain

Like a bullet to your brain

[Bobby Polo and Shawn Kowalski come out from behind the curtains and begin to dance with the two women at the entrance. The MIB have already reached the ring and are inside singing.]

MIB #2: ##Upside inside out

He's livin' la vida Polo

He'll make you breakdown

Livin' la vida Polo

He’s teeth are squeaky clean

His new belt is the color black

He will make you tap out

Livin' la vida Polo

He's livin la vida Polo

[Bobby and Shawn begins to make their way down to the ring with each having a beautiful girl on the arm. Bobby has a very cocky look on his face. Bobby points at the fans who are staring at the women and just laughs because he has them and they don't. Shawn just has this look on his face like how'd I get into this.]

MIB #1: ##Woke up in San Diego City

In a first class hotel

He took his belt

And took his pride away

He must've beatin them with ease

He never lets them win

And makes you order a chiropractor

Once you've faced him

You'll never be the same

Yeah, he'll make you be in a lot of pain

MIB #2: ##He'll make you tap out and scream in pain

He'll make you breakdown

Until you are in pain

No, you'll never be the same

[Bobby and Shawn finally make it inside the ring with the two beautiful girls and begin to do some corny dance in the ring with the girls.]

##Upside inside out

He's livin' la vida Polo

He'll make you tap out

Livin' la vida Polo

His teeth are squeaky clean

His new belt is the color black

He’ll make you tap out

Livin' la vida Polo

MIB #1: ##Upside inside out

He's livin' la vida Polo

He will make you breakdown

Livin' la vida Polo

His teeth are squeaky clean

And his new belt is the color black

He will make you tap out

Livin' la vida Polo

[The fireworks blast as Bobby stands in the center of the ring posing. Shawn is standing behind Bobby with both of the girls standing next to him. Bobby and Shawn both have this look on their face like yeah we know we the men. After the fireworks are done Bobby grabs the mic from the ring announcer and begins to speak.]

BP: OK everyone it is just about time for me to dominate another match and get yet again another victory. So Doman when you are walking down to the ring tonight I want you to know that you will be coming in the champion, but you will be leaving a loser. You will then realize that I have GOT THE LIFE!

LH: Polo looks ready… This is his chance to become the first ever two time J-Crown champion!

MM: Let's just hope and pray that, that doesn't happen!

LH: What about your loyalty to the MWA?

MM: Bah!

LH: Let's get back to the ring!

(Your ears don't deceive you. What you're currently experiencing is a momentary lapse in reality, where an honest-to-god pop is preceding the arrival of one of the National Wrestling Council's least-liked competitors. No accounting for taste, but history is king in the rich culture of Mexico City, and long memories appeal to the fact that, despite his tenure in one of the most diobolical stables in luche libre, Doman Schwahling is as close as you're gonna get to a hometown champion on this night two.)

(Instead of the usual frantic explosion of strings and percussion we've come to expect, the industrial audio grind of KMFDM impales itself through the arena's sound system. 'Junk Joint Jezebel', to be precise, with Georgio Moroder doing the remixing honors. Synth guitars rip off against metallic bass, the stage bathing itself in a vile blacklight purple.)

JH: And his opponent.. hailing from Manhattan Beach, California.. weighing in at 234 pounds.. he is the self-proclaimed 'Living End' of sports entertainment..(The bodies arrive as silhouettes against the roils of machine-produced mist. One walking with attitude to spare against lethally-angled hips, the other listlessly dragging itself along like a sentient damp towel.)

JH: Making his second defense of the National Wrestling Council's Junior Crown title..

(Jenesis Mercy kick steps out of the special effects first, smacking her bitch up to the driving steel music. Hard grin sneering glam-purple lips, hair a nun bound mass of medusa curls in black, and a distracting latex ensemble of shiny black shorts and matching dark violet halter top, as well as the usualpair of custom thigh-high stiletto heels, perforated leather and corinthian styling with a scooped calf, in the token colors as well.)

JH: Accompanied to the ring by 'The Bitch of Broadway', Jenesis Mercy...

(Jen does a razorblade pirouette, letting it -all- hang out in the back sideof those ridiculously short shorts. Nasty little touch of fly girl spice there as she shakes it for the crowd, but certainly doesn't break it, the second figure emerging from the mist with an ascerbic grin and creeping step.)

JH: He is.. the Zeitgeist.. Doman.. Scha-waaaaaahling!

(Explosion of glittering purple pyrotechnics around the two as Doman takes his place at Jenesis' side. Notably, the garage sale ring garb has been ditched for stylish vinyl leg-tights, moulded against calf and thigh a like, glossy ebony with the Schwahsylum symbol emblazoned on either hip. 'Sixty-Nine Ain't Just a Number No More' shirt featuring Jenesis in her 'Ms.Oklahoma' alter-ego in silkscreen to complete the ensemble and the gold strap thrown limply over his left shoulder, Schwahling slips an arm around Mercy's waist, and casts a long smirk over the nitrous audience.)

JK: I wonder if she's related to him, too?

MA: Listen to this crowd! They're on their feet for the former member of the Antifaz Cru! Only in Mexico, folks, only in Mexico!

(Schwahling prowls the aisle with Jen laying out the path in wild head banging and hip-twisting, perfect time to the music. A little jab-step thrown inhere, a quarter spin there, salsa come with a distinctly disturbed flare, but what else would you expect from a member of the Lunatic Fringe, a reputed porn actress, and admitted nymphomaniac?)

(Doman slips under the ropes, and kicks up a little drama with a shrug forthe benefit of the audience. Another immense pop, and a broad jackal grin, ashe hefts the belt off of his shoulder, and throws it at the feet of NickInoki.)

MA: And once again, Schwahling with a BLATANT show of disrespect for that vaunted cruiser weight title

.JK: Nobody cares, Michael.

LH: Okay, both men are circling each other. Doman walks in, Head and collar lock up. Bobby Polo with a side headlock. Doman shoves Polo into the ropes, Polo springs back….Clothesline by Schwahling, Polo ducks, bounces Doman puts his head down..going for a back body drop….Polo flips over… Attempting a leg sweep, Schwahling jumps over and DROPKICK to the face of Polo!

MM: That'll knock that goofy ass look on his face!

LH: Uh huh, Polo rolls back from it, bounces onto his feet and the two men are at a stare down! The fans begin to applaud the athleticism of these two men!

MM: Ahh, these fans are nothing but schmuks!

LH: Schmuks that pay your pay check!

MM: Oh yeah…

LH: The two men close in on each other… Doman with a knee to the groin.. He whips Polo into the ropes TILT A WHIRL BACK BREAKER! Doman is not letting up… a couple kicks to the back of the head of Polo! Schwahling picks Polo up and set him up on the top rope backwards…

MM: Wow, already going to the well of risky tricks!

LH: NO! A HANGMAN'S NECKBREAKER!

MM: OOH, that has to hurt!

LH: Schwahling pulls Polo out to the middle of the ring…Going for a quick pin!

LH: No, just a one count… I think he is letting Polo know that he isn't going to be playing any games.. He's here to win and that is it!

MM: Well, are all the wrestlers here to win?

LH: Uhm, yeah, Doman picks Bobby up and whips him into the ropes, Schwahling drops the head.. SWINGNG NECKBREAKER from the challenger!

MM: Now get on him!

LH: Polo hops up and begins to lay the boots to him. Doman is covering up, but taking a good licking right now. Polo picks him up, SNAP SUPLEX! Polo rolls over and slides into a side headlock on the mat.

MM: Oh man, these are cruiserweights they shouldn't be mat wrestling.

LH: Can you get a little bit whinier? Polo is really putting some pressure on the vertebrae of the Champ. Doman is wiggling around..trying to get out… He is able to wiggle his way to the ropes.. He is climbing up!

MM: The idiot is putting more pressure on his own neck!

LH: Schwahling flips over and A DRAGON SLEEPER! DRAGON SLEEPER!

MM: HOW THE HELL?

LH: Doman is really got it in good! He's now putting the pressure on Polo… Polo seems to be fading out… the ref is lifting his arm..

LH: He is lifting it for a second time!

MM: IT'S OVER PUT A FORK IN HIM!

LH: The ref is lifting his hand for the final time… He let's go…

MM: That's three!

LH: NO! POLO HOLDS ON! He is wiggling his finger around! HE'S HULKING UP!

MM: Oh dear god….

LH: Polo is wagging that finger in the air! The fans are cheering him on!

MM: That is so retarded…

LH: Polo is up to one knee…Now both feet! Bobby with consecutive elbows to the stomach! Schwahling releases… Polo bounces off the ropes.. ROCKET DROPPER! Bobby is back up and he hops up to the top rope… FROG SPLASH TO THE BACK OF SCHWAHLING!!

MM: Wow, this kid has got some spunk!

LH: I guess he was tired of getting beat on… Polo is dragging Doman to the ropes… and he places him just under the ropes..Head hanging off the canvas. Polo …SLINGSHOT GUILLOTINE LEG DROP ACROSS THE THROAT OF DOMAN! Doman is gasping for air right now! This game is in Polo's park now..

MM: Let's see if the squirt can do anything with it tho!

LH: Polo slides back under the ring… What's this? The midgets are up on top of the ring!

MM: Yes… We're gonna see some Midget power now!

LH: The ref is over there… trying to get rid of the midgets in black… On the other side Shawn Kowalski just handed Polo a chair!

THUD!

LH: Polo just planted a shot over Schwahlings head and blood is gushing everywhere now!

MM: Just like a pig at a slaughterhouse!!!

LH: Just a lil bit more than I needed to know! However, the midgets hop down and Polo is yelling at the ref to come over and make a count! The ref jumps to a hault!

2 1/2

3!!!!!!

MM: Three! OH MY GOD HE DID IT!!!

LH: NO! WAIT! The ref is calling the three count off! Doman's leg was on the ropes! Polo is pissed!

MM: Higgins… Your language!

LH: Polo is up and laying the smack down on Schwahling now!

MM: And you always get onto me about copyrighted material… Sheesh.

LH: Polo picks Doman up Looks like a Fisherman's Suplex…NO CRADLE DDT! RIGHT ON THE HEAD!!! The ref may have to call this match before Schwahling get's seriously injured! But no! This is the NWC at it's finest!

MM: Who are you trying to sell this to?

LH: Polo with the advantage, is up and picks up Doman… Whips him into the rope… Polo with a clothesline… Schwahling ducks … Bounces off the ropes….CROSS BODY!!! And Doman is on top of Polo punching the hell out of him!

MM: Whoah! Two bad words in one night!

LH: Doman is up and throws Polo out of the ring…. Doman jumps up top of the ropes…MOONSAULT! MOONSAULT BY THE CHAMP!!! And polo is out on the unforgiving concrete!

MM: Polo better be careful! With all these people around.. they could be hungry for some roadkill..

LH: Masters!

MM: What?

LH: Anyway, Doman throws Polo back into the ring. Doman up and SLINGSHOT! A leg across the throat of Polo. Polo is now the one gasping for air!

MM: Now choke him, beat him, pounce on him!

LH: What?

MM: Hey Higgins.. How may surrealist's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

LH: WHAT?

MM: A fish. Hahaha

LH: I'm so lost…

MM: Call the match…

LH: Doman back in control, picks up Polo from a devestating shot to the throat and whips him into the ropes. Schwahling throws Polo up in the air… I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT IS!

MM: Well, it was a throwing DDT. Duh.

LH: Ahhh. Well, Doman is going for the pin…

MM: THREE!!!

LH: NOOOO! Kowalski just pulled Doman off of Bobby! The ref is over warning Shawn.. In fact, he is ordering him to leave the ringside!

MM: You can't do that!

LH: He just did! Doman turns his attention back to Polo…Polo with a KICK to the gut! POWERBOMB! POWERBOMB! A powerbomb from Polo!

MM: PIN HIM!

LH: Polo jumps on top!

LH: Yes! 3!!! The MWA brings home the gold!

MM: NOOOOOO! The ref is saying Doman got the shoulder up!

LH: I guess the match will continue! Polo is not holding up there. He picks up Doman and an ARMBAR TAKE DOWN!!! Schwahling face first into the mat! The blood is continuing to flow!!!

MM: Maybe he will pass out.. Yeah, that is the plan….Make him JUICE more!

LH: Kayfabe…. Polo puts Doman up onto the top rope! He joins him up there! A FRANKENSTEINER!!! A FRANKENSTEINER~!!!! POLO WITH A FRANKENSTEINER!!

MM: He's got him!

LH: Polo is going for the POLOLOCK! He has it on! Doman is yelling in pain!

MM: Tap out! Tap out!

LH: Polo is yelling at Doman.. Telling him to tap out! Doman is reaching for the rope! YES! HIS HAND TAPS ONCE!

MM: Just two more…….

LH: TWO!

MM: Just one more,…come on Polo!!!

LH: THREE!!! NOOOOOO!!! Doman's hand landed on the ropes…The ref is asking for the break! Polo is up jumping all around.. He thinks he has won!

MM: You idiot… get back on him!

LH: Polo is not listening, he is up on the second turnbuckle with his arms raised!

MM: Idiot…LOOK OUT!

LH: Doman nails Polo in the back… Schwahling jumps up and spins Polo around and NAGASAKI BOMB!!!! The ref is in place!!

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KH: And still Junior Crown champion, "Zeigest" Doman Schwahling!!!!!!

MM: Damn…

LH: Polo did give us a great match though….

MM: Uhm, guys?

JK: What?

MM: Isn’t it time for you to go home?

MA: Well, back to the hotel anyway.

JK: Yay! Night off! Where’s the Tequila?

MM: Move it fatboy. And you too loud mouth.

JK: You’ll pay for those remarks tomorrow, Masters.

MM: Whatever, lard-boy.

[The two HIW announcers make their way away]

LH: It's time for tonight's main event! And what a first night it has been, who's your pick in tonight's much anticipated NWC World Tag team title match?

MM: Well, the fight started two days ago...so someone probably already has the upper hand. I think it'll be MUM.

LH: Never rooting for the home team are you?

MM: You can shut your damn trap right now.

[DING DING DING]

[A pre-emptive hush comes over the crowd as Keith Hernandez stands in the middle of the ring with a microphone, decked out in a sequin tux he pauses a moment and begins.]

KH: Ladies and Gentlemen it is time for the When Heaven and Hell Collide night one MAAAAAAAAIN EVENNNNNNNNNT!!

[Pop from the crowd]

KH: Introducing first, representing the Missouri Wrestling Association, they are former National Wrestling Council world tag team champions. They are your current MWA tag team champions...

LH: I don't like the Romans, I hate the UE but I think I am pulling for the local boys, as despicable as they are. It was just wrong what the M.U.M. did to their mansion.

MM: For once we agree, hate to see all that high quality porn go up in flames.

KH: Ladies and Gentlemen there are your challengerssss....NERO! CALIGULA!! THE PERVERRRRRRSE! ROMAAAAAANS!!!

[Trumpets blare over the PA and a mixed pop from the crowd, ain't it a bitch when two heel teams go at it? Who do you mark for? Oh the dilema!! The pop dies down and still no Romans. -RING MUSIC- is more than halfway done and -RING ANNOUNCER- stands in the ring fidgeting.]

LH: Where are the Romans?! We have seen them in the building tonight, already fighting the Morality Underground Movement.

MM: Maybe they already got their asses kicked.

KH: Uhm....NERO! CALIGULA! THE PERVERRRRRRSE! ROMAAAAAANS!!!

[The trumpets Blare again and again, no Romans. The crowd begins to boo loudly, Hernandez is really starting to sweat here. He looks down at an official and they talk a little bit length.]

LH: How could you not show up to such an important match!?

MM: Told you, they already got their asses whipped.

LH: All the M.U.M. has to do now is walk to the ring and pick up their forfeit win, what a let down this is. A huge event like this and our night one main event is ruined.

MM: Pete Logan is pissing himself right now, heeheehee.

KH: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been told to inform you that the Perverse Romans are forfeit in this match. Once the champions are introduced and come to the ring this match will officially end as a no contest. On behalf of Hawaiin Island Wrestling and the Missouri Wrestling Association we would like to give our deepest apologies.

[Thunderous boo from the crowd.]

MM: This is BULLSHI[BLEEP!]ey can't do this!

LH: They have no choice.

MM: This is ridiculous!

KH: Introducing second, they represent Georgia Championship Wrestling! They are the current National Wrestling Council TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORRRRRLD!!

MM: Is that a copyright infringement?

LH: Shutup and maybe they won't notice.

KH: "The Resistence" DENTON CAGE! "The Uprising" DIEGO VALENCIA! THE MORALITY UNDERGROUNNNNND MOVEMENNNNT!!!

[Cue "Complaint In The System" by Savatage and the crowd boos loudly, still more than a little bit pissed about this whole debacle. Trash is littering the ring as the angry fans take their frustration on the poor ring announcer; talk about shooting the messanger.]

LH: You've got to be kidding!

[You guessed it...no M.U.M. either isn't this a bitch? The crowd is REALLY livid now. More groans, boos, more trash being thrown. -RING ANNOUNCER- looks like he is going to cry. Again he walks to the edge of the ring and is talking to the official he was before.]

MM: I want my money back!

LH: You're paid to be here...what are you talking about?

MM: Fine, then I want a raise to be put in such a situation.

KH: Uhm.......er......please god....."The Resistence" DENTON CAGE! "The Uprising" DIEGO VALENCIA! THE MORALITY UNDERGROUNNNNND MOVEMENNNNT!!!

[The music again plays over the PA and again nothing. Fights start breaking out in the stands and we are on the verge of riots]

MM: People are about start rioting, we need to get the hell out of here!

LH: I'm with you for once, this is a volatile situation.

MM: That'll teach the council to hold a PPV in the FUC[BLEEP]MOTHERFU[BLEEP]an SHI[BLEEP]ing third world! These go[BLEEP]onkey Fu[BLEEP]pics!

LH: ................

[The crowd is going nuts and we have a pretty scary situation here. Security is doing their best to hold onto order, but that hold is tenuous. No one notices when Diego Valencia staggers out of the entrance way. He takes a few slow, short steps and then he falls on his face. Behind him limps Nero, holding a chair. Nero stands over Valencia and starts to waffle him. A few people in the crowd notice and like a brush fire the realization spreads throughout the crowd that something is going on and suddenly virtually all the bad behavior is dropped and there is a loud pop from the crowd.]

LH: MIKE! MIKE! ITS VALENCIA AND NERO! THANK GOD!! You can get out from under the desk.

MM: Really?

LH: Yes! Nero has a chair and he is going to work on Diego, these men are already bleeding profusely. OH! OH!! THIS IS A RELENTLESS BEATING!

MM: You better not be fooling.

LH: Nero throws the chair aside, he pulls Diego up and throws him into the railing! Nero charges and drives a knee into the Uprising's face! Blood everywhere!!

MM: Gotta love a match that draws blood before it begins.

LH: Welcome back!

MM: You shutup roundboy.

LH: Nero picks up Diego and throws him into the other side of the railing, Nero charges again and drives the knee into Valencia's face again! Where are Cage and Caligula?

MM: Who cares?

LH: Well it IS supposed to be a tag match. Nero pulls Valencia up by his ears, knife edged chops! One, two, three of them! The only thing holding Valencia up right now is Nero, Nero whips Diego across the aisleway again and into the railing yet again, he charges...BIG DROPKICK! DIEGO VALENCIA FLIPS OVER THE METAL RAILING AND INTO THE CROWD!

[The crowd near the camer goes nuts, the camera work is shabby in such a place, shaking profusely as the camera man is being pushed around. Security does its best to clear the fans out to make room for Valencia.]

[Nero stands and takes a running start and leaps onto the railing, using it to springboard into a moonsault. He lands on Valencia as Diego is standing. The crowd pops, especially right next to where this is all going on. A few drinks are thrown at the wrestlers and one fan breaks free of security and charges into the fray.]

LH: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY!!

[Diego and Nero are standing, exchanging blows until the fan arrives and then they both turn and deck the poor kid; he falls down quickly and is grabbed by security and dragged away, he'll be spending the night in prison. Our heroic announcers try to cover]

LH: Looks like an overzealous fan got a little too involved.

MM: Morons...

LH: Nero and Valenica beating the tar out of eachother! Nero grabs some fan's drink and throws it into the eyes of Diego...HE DROPS VALENCIA WITH A JUMPING FOREARM! THIS IS CRAZY! I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS!!

[We are having trouble keeping track of the fight, due to the masses of humanity getting in the way. The cameraman is having a hell of a time keeping up, we catch flashes, Nero punching Diego, Diego returning the favor. Fans are screaming into the camera and at the wrestlers, the term clusterfuck comes to mind.]

LH: I can't even see what is going on! This is insane, this is not safe for our athletes. Even the most bloodthirsty fan has to be questioning this...

MM: KILL HIM!! YEAH! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!

LH: You are a sick human being you know that?

[We see Diego hit the charging Nero over the head with a rack of NWC Merchandise, including the brand new Devo Tremors "Millenium Kid" limited edition tee shirt (until he changes his nickname again), only 25.99 get yours today! Nero drops like a rock and Diego is picking up anything he can find to hurt the Perverse Roman.]

LH: Diego just using any piece of junkerrrrr.....high quality NWC merchandise he can get his hands on to beat on Nero. The crowd really blocking our view, it looks like Nero is being choked by a Doman Schwahling tee shirt!

MM: That's high quality, why doesn't he use a Bobby Polo Midgets in Black tee shirt? We can't give those away!

LH: Always a company man...

MM: We get royalties you moron.

LH: Diego picks Nero up and throws him into a fan! Diego picks up a ringside chair and charges!

[Nero rolls into Diego and trips him, Nero jumps to his feet, he is holding the purse of the female fan he ran into. The poor screaming woman is being subdued by security as Nero starts to spin the purse around. Diego gets to a knee.]

LH: NERO CHARGES WITH THE PURSE!

[SMACK!]

MM: This is nuts.

LH: He is beating on Diego Valencia with a purse! Diego covering his face, he kicks upward...

MM: Ouch.

LH: HE CATCHES NERO IN THE GROIN!! Nero stumbles and falls backward holding his manhood, that was a direct hit! Diego crawls over him, he grabs the purse, what the hell is he doing!?

MM: He's going through the purse! THIS RULES!

[Diego pulls out a box of Tampax, he tosses it aside, cigarettes, tossed aside; OH HERE WE GO! Now he has what he was looking for...]

LH: Diego has that woman's lipstick!

MM: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

LH: HE IS PRESSING IT ALL OVER NERO'S ALREADY BLEEDING FACE! NERO SCREAMING AND STRUGGLING!

MM: GENIUS! PURE GENIUS!

LH: NERO RAKES HIS EYES! THE ROMAN ESCAPES!

[Nero crawls away into the crowd, he stands and picks up one of the ringside chairs and charges Diego, Valencia stands and dropkick the chair into Nero's face, Nero stumbles backward and trips over another chair and falls backward. The two men lay five yards from eachother, exhuasted, the fans still mugging for the camera and getting in the way.]

LH: This is ludicrous, we are so gonna get sued...wait fans, I am getting word in the earpiece from the back. HIW ring announcer Joe Hirono has found Caligula and Denton Cage, we are going to cut to him right....

[We cut and the first thing we see is Caligula going hurling into a hotdog vendor stand. The stand explodes and the stadium worker runs for cover. Joe Hirono stands facing us as Denton Cage sprints by and does a splash onto the Perverse Roman. Hirono shouts into the camera like a reporter live from a war zone]

JH: Thanks guys! WE ARE OUTSIDE THE SEATING AREA HERE AT OLYMPIC STADIUM...

[Cage stuffs a hotdog down Caligula's throat, Caligula spits it in his eye and the two men roll around in the rubble exchanging kidney punches]

JH: ...WHERE DENTON CAGE AND CALIGULA OF THE PERVERSE ROMANS ARE...

[Caligula grabs the still hot, hot dog roaster and sticks it onto Cage's face. Denton lets out a surprised yelp of pain, Caligula presses it onto his face. A crowd has gathered and again security tries in vain to keep them all at bay.]

JH: ...USING ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO BATTLE IT OUT...

[Caligual stands and throws the roaster aside, he picks up Cage, who's face is burnt up and bloody, and throws him into the wall. Caligula roots through the rubble and pulls out a sharp wooden shard.]

JH: ...IN ATTEMPT TO DESTROY EACHOTHER, SECURITY HAS TRIED IN VAIN TO...

[Caligula examines the wood and grins evily, he charges and stabs Cage in the side as Denton is standing. Cage screams in rage and pain as he falls back down. It isn't a really bad wound, just a puncture on his right side. Caligula stands over Cage and stabs downward...]

JH: ...STOP THE TWO MEN, BUT AFTER THREE SECURITY GUARDS WERE INJURED SEVERELY...

[Cage dodges the attempted impaling by inches, Caligula raises the shard again and stabs downward again, he grazes Cage, Cage kicks the shard aside and sits up biting Caligula on the calf and drawing blood. It is Caligula's turn to scream.]

JH: ...IN THE ACT. IT WAS DECIDED THAT IS WHAT SAFEST TO STEER CLEAR AND WAIT...

[Caligula kicks Cage and Denton falls back, he spits something out of his mouth. He tackles Caligula and the two continue rolling around on the dirty floor, beating the bejesus out of eachother.]

JH: ...UNTIL THE MEN HAD TIRED EACHOTHER OUT RATHER THAN RISK FURTHER STAFF INJURY BY GETTING IN THE WAY...

[Cage gets control, pounding Caligula's head into the ground a few times, he pulls the Roman to his feet and throws him into a security guard. A big pilup ensues consisting of Caligula, a couple fans, the security guard, and now Denton Cage as he vaults himself into the pile.]

JH: ...AS YOU CAN SEE, THESE TWO MEN ARE GOING TO INSANE LENGTHS TO...

[Suddenly Cage cries out, we see that Caligula has taken a cannister of mace off of the security guard and he shot it into Cage's eyes. Cage stands and stumbles backward hands over his eyes, screaming, Caligula stands and takes the night stick from the security guard and charges Cage.]

JH: ...MAIN, BEAT, AND DESTROY EACHOTHER. I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIK...

[Caligula missed as Cage dove out of the way. The last thing we see is Caligula charges into the camera, bumping into Hirono and running over the camera..]

[There is static for a moment. We cut back to the desk ringside]

LH: This is getting out of hand!

MM: This is the greatest match ever!

LH: It's not even a match!! The bell never rang, no one has entered the ring!

[Camera cuts and we are again looking at Nero and Valencia. Nero has just been tossed over the railing and back into the aisle way.]

LH: Nero and Diego Valencia are still going strong. Diego, vaults himself over the railing and drives his leg down onto Nero! Diego picks Nero up and is dragging him toward the ring, he whips Nero into the steel steps! OH THE HUMANITY!

MM: Screw Night two, this is what action is!

LH: Diego, takes some audio cord and stands over Nero! OH DEAR GOD! HE IS CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF NERO!!

[Nero struggles as if his very life depended on it. The cord remains as is though and Diego is laughing despite all the blood, his teeth are stained red, his eyes are wild, this isn't a match.]

LH: Nero is turning purple! SOMEONE STOP THIS!! SOMEONE STOP THIS HE IS GOING TO KILL THAT MAN!! NERO'S EYES ROLLING BACK INTO HIS HEAD!

MM: Now THAT would be cool.

[Nero, in desperation, kicks backward and catches Diego who stumbles backward and releases the cord. Nero takes a big gasp of air as he collapses to the ground, Diego trips as he stumbles back but he is already getting to his feet.]

LH: Nero can barely move, he has no strength and Valencia is keeping the pressure on. He charges and drives a knee between Nero's shoulderblades! What is he doing!? He is getting the ring bell! My God!

MM: I'm liking this kid!

LH: Diego places the bell under Nero's head! He gets up on top of the ring steps and comes down with an eblow! BLOOD IS GUSHING FROM NERO! To you folks at home I can only say that I am very sorry that you have to see this.

MM: ARE YOU KIDDING!? WE SHOULD MAKE THEM PAY EXTRA!

LH: Diego picks Nero up and throws him against the railing, Diego takes the ring bell and charges at Nero, who is leaning there helpless. Diego charges, and Nero ducks!!

[Diego runs into the railing andf stumbles backward, Nero dropkicks the bell and it flies and hits Valencia in the face. Diego stumbles back and falls, Nero stands over him a moment and falls on top of him.]

LH: This is going too far, this is too much!

MM: Stop being a pussy!

LH: The two men stirring already, they have been fighting for two straight days and now this, easily one of the most brutal matches in council history. It is too much, someone is going to be hurt severely...

MM: Open your eyes, they already are!

LH: Nero is up first, he takes Diego, and they are exchanging punches again! Diego in control, he whips Nero....REVERSED!

MM: Hey! An actual wrestling move!

LH: Nero charges and drops Diego with a lariat! He takes the young Luchador, OH NO!

MM: OH YEAH!

LH: He is setting him on the announcing table of our Spanish cohorts! MIGUEL! PACO! RUN FOR COVER!!

MM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

LH: This just tickles you doesn't it?

[Nero gets to the apron, he stands and looks for a moment as the Spanish announcer run for cover.]

LH: NERO OFF OF THE APRON...HE DOES A FLIP AND....

[CRASH!!!]

LH: MOTHER OF GOD!! NEITHER MAN IS MOVING!!

MM: [Clapping] Bravo!!

LH: You're sick, these men need medical attention.

[The EMTs come rushing onto the scene as we cut away.]

[We cut back to the hallways of Olympic Stadium, Joe Hirono, stands there mic in hand, bandage on his head staring at us excitiedly. The hallways are in shambles, anything that wasn't bolted down is broken and not where it should be.]

JH: [out of breath] Ladies and Gentlemen, Joe Hirono here in the main plaza of Olympic Stadium where the battle between Caligula and Denton Cage rages on!

[As if on cue Cage comes bursting on screen, he falls next to Hirono who immediately turns tail and runs. Caligula follws right behind with a trash can over his head, he bashes Cage with it a few times until the lid comes off. He then dumps the contents all over Cage.]

JH: As you can see, the battle has not diminished in brutality or intensity.

[Cage crawls through the garbage, he grabs Caligula's legs and executes a double leg takedown. Cage gets on top of Caligula and starts bashing his head against the floor. Cage stands and drives a knee into the Roman's chest. He stands again and pulls Caligula up and starts dragging him down the corridor]

JH: ...I don't know where we're headed but we'll do our best to keep up.

[Cage throws Caligula into a couple of walls as he drags him down the corridor. A few fans realize they are on camera as they pass by and take advantage.. One boy moons the camera and we get a shot of his butt right before he is tackled by security and dragged off camera. Cage reaches the Men's bathroom and throws Caligula in.]

JH: It appears we are going into the bathroom! I...

[Caligula is thrown into the wall again and Cage charges him to follow up. Caligula ducks the lariat attempt and kicks Cage in the back as he goes by. Cage runs face first into the wall and stumbles backward. Caligula rips the paper towel dispenser off of the wall and bashes Cage as he is stumbling backward.]

JH: My god folks! This is...ACK!

[Cage regains his composure and charges into Caligula, spearing him into Hirono who drops like a sack of rocks. The camera wobbles but maintains. Cage pulls Caligula up and throws him into a bathroom stall door, the door falls down. A man is was sitting on the toilet, he struggles to cover himself as Cage throws Caligula off of the stall wall Cage grabs the wall and picks it up.. Caligula gives it a big standing sidekick and Cage stumbles backward into the unfortunate man who just wants to move his bowels.]

[Hirono is muttering to himself as he tries to stand, we can hear his inauduble grumbling. Caligula runs and jumps onto the stall wall, we hear Cage grunt from behind it. Cage crawls out from under it as Caligula throws himself into it again, the stall wall breaks and the poor guy behind it shouts out. When Caligula stands he is met from behind by Cage, with a big double axe handle that send Caligula reeling back. Cage grabs him by his short hair and throws him into the sink head first. Cage grabs Caligula and again we are dragging.]

[The duo make thier way past the camera and Hirono as he is getting to his feet, he looks at the camera and-ever the trooper-continues doing his job.]

JH: As you can see ladies and gents we are on our way out of the bathroom.

[Joe leads the camera out of the bathroom and he follows the fight like a puppy dog. Cage and Caligula exchanging blows the whole way. They choose a tunnel and go through it.]

[The camera scene switches completely, we are watching Cage drag Caligula down the aisle of the second deck of the stadium. The crowd pops loudly, having only been watching Nero and Valencia be attended to by the EMTs. We are again listening to our ringside announcers.]

LH: Caligula and Denton Cage have emerged from the back, and they have been every bit as busy as Nero and Valencia.

MM: This has been a violence showcase, I have loved every minute.

LH: Caligula stops and grabs around Cage's waist...he throws Cage down on the steps! He kicks him, again and again and Cage rolling down the steps to the railing that is a good fifteen feet above the ring's level! Caligula charges Cage as Cage stands, BACK BODY DROP! CALIGULA GOES OVER THE SIDE!

MM: HE'S HOLDING ON!!

LH: CALIGULA HOLDS ON BY ONTO THE RAILING AND CAGE IS POUNDING ON HIS HEAD....HE IS TRYING TO KILL CALIGULA!!

MM: Awesome!

LH: Cage prying at Caligula's fingers, Caligula losing his grip!

[Caligula in desperation, grabs Cage by the hair and uses him to stay up. Cage struggles, Caligula holding on for dear life.]

LH: BOTH MEN ON THE EDGE...BOTH MEN...

[CRASH!!]

[BZZZZZT! BOOM!!]

LH: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! AS JESUS CHRIST AS MY WITNESS THEY ARE DEAD, DENTON CAGE AND CALIGULA HAVE JUST FALLEN TO THEIR DEATHS.

[The electrical equipment they landed on fried and a fire has started. Caligula and Cage aren't moving as the fire starts to get near them. It is a dangerous situation, with a live wire, a fire, and a fried circuit board laying near the two broken men. Most of the deco, the lights and what not that decorated the entrace way are all out. The mics and audio ring side have also been effected.]

LH: THER......IRE.......MY GOD I......A......RT...

MM: HAHAH....HA....A....H

[A caption reads across the bottom of your screen that says "Technical difficulty: Stand By"]

[The fire has spread very far, the camera pans out and we see that Nero and Valencia are being wheeled out on a gurneys. Guess what happens next? Boy you're smart! Nero comes to and rolls off of his gurney, he savagely nails one of the medical workers, the other runs away. Nero runs toward Diego's gurney, he tips it over and starts bashing him with it.]

LH: NE.....T......I...........EGO!

[Nero turns and sees that the fire is raging, men with fire extinguishers are rushing out there and trying to put it out. Nero charges in and knocks one of them down into the fire, the man screams as Nero takes the extinguisher and nails the other fire fighter. He drops it and grabs his partner and drags him to safety. The emergency fire fighter that was pushed into the fire has stopped dropped and rolled. Nero looks down at Caligula and so therefore he never saw Diego coming.]

[WHACK!]

[Diego charges with the gurney and knocks Nero into the fire, Nero thrashes around and crawls away having been burned. Diego grabs Denton and pulls him to safety. As this is completed Nero hits Diego with a drop kick and staggers him backward. Nero quick stands and is ready with the Fire Extinguisher when Diego charges to retaliate.]

[PING!]

LH: OH! THE HUMANITY!! We are currently on our backup audio folks, and this match hasn't gotten any less brutal. Denton Cage got the worst of that fall and he was burned pretty badly in the ensuing fire.

[The Romans are standing, Caligula's hold on consciousness is tenuous at best; however he is up. Nero os beating the bejesus out of Diego with fire extinguisher, after a few good wallops he shoots all that white fire stopping gunk all over Diego.]

LH: Nero dragging Diego toward the ring, Caligula follows and I think Denton Cage is...

MM: Dead.

LH: Injured severely. Nero and Caligula throw Diego into the railing, Diego stumbles forward, the ROMANS WITH THE ITALIAN BOOT!! DOUBLE DDT! Diego is in deep trouble. Nero dragging him to the ring, Caligula follows kicking Diego all the way.

MM: This is over.

LH: Nero climbs onto the apron, Caligula sets Diego up in a bacjslide position...ROMAN CRUCIFIX!! DIEGO DOWN, NERO COVERS DIEGO...

One....

TWO......

THREEEEEEE!! NEW CHAMPS CHAMPS NEW CHAMPS!!!

MM: No, wait a minute...

LH: There is no count! That's right! THE MATCH HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET!

MM: Man oh man, what a ring entrance this was.

LH: Nero screaming at the ref, and finally he shakes his head and rolls Diego into the ring, Nero follows...

[DING DING DING]

LH: The match has started...

[DING DING DING]

MM: The match just ended.

LH: What are you talking about? Nero covers Diego and no count is being made....

Keith Hernandez: Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of the match and STILL NATIONAL WRESTLING COUNCIL TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSSSS! THE MORALITY UNDERGROUND MOVEMENNNNT!!!

LH: WHAT THE HELL!?

MM: Don't you remember? Hernandez said at the beginning that when the MUM made its entrance that they would win by forfeit because the Romans didn't make their entrance...The M.U.M. was announced last and they were the first in the ring. Ain't that a bitch?

LH: OF ALL THE CHEAPEST...

MM: So this fight that has been raging for more than two days will go down as the fastest official NWC World Title Match ever. Less than five seconds officially...

LH: Unbelievable! Nero is livid, he is beating the hell out of Diego, M.U.M. took their house and now they...I can't believe this! The crowd can't believe this! Trash being thrown into the ring.

MM: I love irony! A two day war goes down in history as the fastest title match in history!

LH: JW Oswald and Marina are running ringside, Oswald in the face of the referee as Caligula and Nero set Diego up...Colosseum Kick!!

MM: Hey, if they are that dumb they don't deserve the belts.

LH: This ending is such a let down! We are out of time folks, we'll see on night two!